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I read an article1 in The Telegraph, where it mentions that the phrase "pleased to meet you" was used inappropriately.

When I was little, my mother collected me from a school friend’s party. As I clutched my goody-bag and balloon, I shook the hand of my friend’s mother and said: “Thank you. Pleased to meet you.”

I remember silently congratulating myself on having said something so grown-up and polite. But, to my confusion, my mother blushed slightly and bundled me into the car. “You don’t say 'pleased to meet you’,” she scolded.

Is it because the person was a child, or in which context is this inappropriate?

1 Jessica Fellowes, "Etiquette: Mind your 'please’ and cues", The Telegraph, 24 Jun 2010

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    As an American English speaker, this rule is baffling. As best I can tell, Jessica Fellowes is a reputable writer, but I don't know what on earth she's talking about. – RaceYouAnytime Apr 30 '17 at 15:41
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    She appears to have said it when taking her leave after a children's party. I would expect to hear someone say it when being introduced to someone they hadn't met before, but I don't know why her mother criticised her without giving an explanation. – Kate Bunting Apr 30 '17 at 15:42
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    @RaceYouAnytime In the linked article, Fellowes is pretty clear she doesn't understand either why she was scolded for it: “You don’t say 'pleased to meet you’,” she scolded. I still don’t know why. (emphasis mine) – marcelm Apr 30 '17 at 23:10
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    If the child was dressed up like Barry the Chopper, "pleased to meet you" might be homophonically misconstrued. – Mateen Ulhaq May 01 '17 at 02:02
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    In the US, "(I'm) Pleased to meet you" would be used on first introduction, while "It has been a pleasure to meet you" would be used on leaving a function where a first introduction had been previously made. The above excerpt is describing the exit scenario. – Hot Licks May 01 '17 at 22:00
  • Here's how Australians used to do it. https://youtu.be/Z-kICLdkTJw – user234256 May 03 '17 at 05:58
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    "she doesn't understand why she was scolded for it" - maybe the mother was simply wrong? – fdomn-m May 03 '17 at 10:02
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    @freedomn-m - yes, the mother was simply not making sense. Amazing how many posts including the accepted answer attempt to explain this at face value though! – Michael May 03 '17 at 11:28
  • You should never, ever say "Pleased to meet you" unless you follow it up with "Hope you guessed my name." I have it on the best authority. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBecM3CQVD8 – MT_Head May 03 '17 at 17:00
  • What To Say When Introduced (1922) “If you have, through friends in common, long heard of a certain lady, or gentleman, and you know that she, or he, also has heard much of you, you may say when you are introduced to her: “I am very glad to meet you,” or “I am delighted to meet you at last!” Do not use the expression “pleased to meet you” then or on any occasion.” That may have been true in some circles, even as recent as fifty years ago, but today (thankfully) that's no longer the case. – Mari-Lou A May 04 '17 at 08:13

5 Answers5

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No, it wasn't because it was a child saying it. It's because in (British) English the 'correct' way to greet someone you have never met before is to say 'How do you do', not 'Pleased to meet you'.

The Daily Mirror has a rather tongue-in-cheek article about how to tell whether you're 'Posh', and using the phrase 'Pleased to meet you' is one of the key indicators that you're not. (Actually, I think reading the Daily Mirror means that you're automatically NOT Posh, but that's just my opinion.)

The terms 'U' (upper class) and 'non-U' (not upper class) were used to differentiate the way the upper class spoke from how the middle class spoke when trying to be 'posh'. Wikipedia (not always a reliable source, I know), gives a list of U/non-U words and phrases. 'Pleased to meet you' is part of the 'non-U' vocabulary, and is (presumably) not something that an upper class person would/should say.

The Telegraph article was from 2010, and the author (Jessica Fellowes) was speaking about her childhood. She was born in 1974 (see Wikipedia), and evidently the U/non-U divide was still going on during her childhood. (She is the niece of Lord Fellowes, who wrote Downton Abbey. It's reasonable to assume that her mother would have wanted her daughter to speak in a way that showed she was a well-brought-up young girl.)

This sort of etiquette is old fashioned these days, and is only likely to be of much use if you are mingling with the upper class and attempting to pass yourself off as one of them (and in Britain, unless you've studied the rules very carefully, you're likely to give yourself away in many different ways before you're even introduced to someone). In general polite conversation, it's absolutely fine to say 'Pleased to meet you'.

Kiloran_speaking
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    If I was in Britain as an American tourist, would someone judge me if I said, "Pleased to meet you," or, more likely, "nice to meet you?" And tourism aside, is this mostly antiquated or still something people are aware of? – RaceYouAnytime Apr 30 '17 at 18:25
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    Also, in the context of leaving a party, wouldn't it be awkward to say "how do you do?" Is there a "U phrase" for saying 'goodbye' in that setting? – RaceYouAnytime Apr 30 '17 at 18:30
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    @RaceYouAnytime: I can't speak for everyone, but I can't think of a single person I know who would judge anyone badly for saying 'Pleased to meet you', or 'Nice to meet you'. Anyway, the U/non-U classifications would only apply to other British people. As foreign tourists, you would automatically be exempt from this, and hence not judged! It is, as you say, mostly antiquated now. But the British are traditionally somewhat obsessed with class, so I would imagine there are still some people around who would be aware of U/non-U, and try to speak accordingly. – Kiloran_speaking Apr 30 '17 at 18:50
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    @RaceYouAnytime: Yes, there's no way you'd say 'How do you do?' when leaving a party. A simple 'Thank you for a lovely party. Goodbye' would do perfectly. – Kiloran_speaking Apr 30 '17 at 18:53
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    Thanks, I had no awareness of that. It's an interesting bit of trivia that I can't even find on Wikipedia, though probably because I keep ending up on pages for "U-class submarines." – RaceYouAnytime Apr 30 '17 at 18:55
  • The U What? vs. non-U Pardon? is kind of funny, wouldn't "what?" be viewed as very common? – Mou某 May 01 '17 at 00:56
  • @user3306356 Oh that reminds me, when I was a kid my father would scold me if I said "What?" instead of "Pardon?" – Michael May 01 '17 at 02:13
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    @user3306356: Either very common, or very posh! As the Wikipedia page says 'The debate did not concern itself with the speech of the working classes, who in many instances used the same words as the upper classes. For this reason, the different vocabularies often can appear quite counter-intuitive: the middle classes prefer "fancy" or fashionable words ... in attempts to make themselves sound more refined ..., while the upper classes in many cases stick to the same plain and traditional words that the working classes also use.' – Kiloran_speaking May 01 '17 at 07:21
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    Another important convention: the 'correct' reply to "how do you do" is in fact "how do you do", rather than treating it as a question. – dbmag9 May 01 '17 at 19:33
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    @dbmag9 We have this on my side of the Atlantic, too, only we say "how you doin'." – MissMonicaE May 01 '17 at 19:34
  • "Pleased to meet you" does sound slightly weird even to me (American ears...) if it's someone you've literally just met for the first time and you had no prior information about them. It's so obviously insincere -- why should you be pleased to meet someone you have zero information about? Usually after the first time I've met someone when we're about to say goodbye I say something like "it was nice meeting you!" if I thought it was nice meeting them, but saying it in the beginning it sounds awfully perfunctory and impersonal. Might just be me though... can't claim it's an Americans thing. – user541686 May 02 '17 at 06:23
  • @dbmag9 I always thought the correct reply to "how do you do" was "do what?", otherwise it makes no sense. – Masked Man May 02 '17 at 07:53
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    Someone send this to Jessica and let her know its been figured out! Good answer. – Jim W May 02 '17 at 18:47
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    "It's because in (British) English the 'correct' way to greet someone you have never met before is to say 'How do you do', not 'Pleased to meet you'." As a Brit, I have never heard of this and it sounds utterly baffling to me. As is, frankly, this entire answer. The problem is actually that the person in question was leaving, so yes greetings were inappropriate of any kind. – Lightness Races in Orbit May 02 '17 at 19:05
  • @JimW: Then we can let her know that it's wrong. – Lightness Races in Orbit May 02 '17 at 19:06
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    As a Briton "How do you do" would be unusual as a farewell, albeit not unheard of. But it would sound very odd to my ear at the end of a party, maybe more OK for a very brief meeting in the street etc. (admittedly "Pleased to meet you." has the same issue as a farewell)... "It has been a pleasure meeting you" would be much more appropriate there, as that is at least in the correct tense. (which is also in the passive voice, which tends to sound more polite) – Vality May 02 '17 at 19:32
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    Is this a wild guess? Have you ever used the phrase or been in company with help who use it frequently. This is not at all the reason. This should not be marked as the correct answer. – Octopus May 02 '17 at 23:22
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    This is a very odd answer. The only possible "wrong" thing about the child's farewell is that it's a greeting, not a parting comment, and even then it's not that bad. @Octopus is right, this is not a correct answer. This is English SE, not "third hand ettiquette SE" :-) – Michael May 03 '17 at 09:56
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The idiomatic expression became inappropriate not because the person who used it was a child, but because of the inappropriate context in which it was used. As per The Telegraph article, the context was: "When I was little, my mother collected me from a school friend’s party. As I clutched my goody-bag and balloon, I shook the hand of my friend’s mother and said: “Thank you. Pleased to meet you” ".

The speaker used it when she was leaving the party, in place of a "goodbye!".

pleased to meet you : (thefreedictionary.com) McGraw-Hill Dictionary of American Idioms and Phrasal Verbs.

an expression said when introduced to someone. Tom: I'm Tom Thomas. Bill: Pleased to meet you. I'm Bill Franklin. John: Have you met Sally Hill? Bill: I don't believe I've had the pleasure. I'm pleased to meet you, Sally. Sally: My pleasure, Bill.

pleased to meet you phrase (en.oxforddictionaries.com)

Said on being introduced to someone.

‘‘This is my wife.’ ‘Pleased to meet you.’’

RaceYouAnytime
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mahmud k pukayoor
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    I don't think it's as simple as that. The clue is in the mother's reaction: "You don't say 'pleased to meet you', she scolded. If it had just been a simple error of timing (ie the child said it at the wrong time), then her mother might have intimated as such. But a blanket 'you don't say it', means that it's just not said at all in polite society. (I do completely agree that it's more usual to say it when meeting rather than when saying goodbye, but I don't think that's the point that's being made here.) It's an article on British etiquette, so McGraw-Hill might not be the best source. – Kiloran_speaking Apr 30 '17 at 17:36
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    @Kiloran_speaking: yes, you may be right. I didn't think of the etiquette and language usage differences among various societal classes. I sourced not only the McGraHill but also the Oxford Dictionary. – mahmud k pukayoor May 01 '17 at 07:58
  • @Kiloran, the only thing odd about its use is the timing. We only have a writer's recollection of what actually happened on that day, and she admits she didn't know why her mother scolded her. Besides, as a child she would likely only be mimicking what she heard her parents say. She just didn't get the timing right. – Octopus May 02 '17 at 23:23
  • I read it this way at first. But when you read the whole article, it seems that the etiquette answer is actually the right one. – GreenAsJade May 03 '17 at 11:45
  • The author's recollection of the incident could be incomplete. I don't think it strange that if a parent were to say 'You don't say x! You were leaving the party!', the child might simply hold on to the shocking (for her) 'don't say x'. I know I often recollect only essential bits of past scoldings and, unfortunately, selective memory can select the wrong 'essential bits'. – SC for reinstatement of Monica May 03 '17 at 13:38
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"Pleased to meet you" is used when meeting someone or being introduced. It could have been phrased, "Pleased to have met you." While stilted, it wouldn't be wrong.

That is, assuming the child met the adult on arriving to the party.

Let's face it. In certain regions of the world, the party host could have been heard saying, "Don't let the screen door hit you on the way out!" It's time to broaden our horizons a bit.

Jenny
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To expand on @eup's answer.

The girl ought to have said: It was a pleasure meeting you

  • 'It was a pleasure meeting you, Herr Gunther,' he said with easy Viennese charm. 'No, the pleasure was all mine,' I replied.

Alternatively, “it has been a pleasure meeting you”

  • I am honored to have served as your President over the past year and it has been a pleasure meeting so many of you during my travels from coast to coast.

Or, Thank you for having me

  • Parties are no longer the occasions when you should be on your best behaviour. It's wise to forget the manners your mother drummed into you, like saying, "Thank you for having me."

Although in the days of snail mail, it was more customary for English-speaking children to write thank-you letters.

Mari-Lou A
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''How do you do'' is LONG gone from almost all public society, and people who would know that the right reply is ''How do you do'' also, are even more rare.

''Pleased to meet you'' is OK. As is ''Pleasure to meet you.'' But 'Nice to meet you' is not very classy at all (although better than ''Hey'' I suppose.

;-)

People may often say ''Good to meet you'' especially in the USA, but ''Great to meet you'' seems more forgivable (as it implies enthusiasm and a more casual setting).

I'm British

eup.
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    I don’t agree that “How do you do” is long gone—I still hear it with some frequency in more formal contexts (though I sincerely doubt the people who use it are aware of the severe class connotations detailed in Kiloran_speaking’s answer above). I’d say most people also still know that the expected answer is “How do you do”, even those who would not naturally say it first themselves. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Apr 30 '17 at 19:31
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    I think a lot depends on context. In the legal profession, or a in professional/business environment, for example, 'How do you do' is definitely still very much present and heard/used daily. In less formal gatherings you're more likely to hear 'Nice to meet you' (or variants thereof) or even just 'Hello, I'm ...' by way of introduction, – Kiloran_speaking Apr 30 '17 at 20:09
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    "Good to meet you" and "Great to meet you" are not idiomatic in my dialect of American English. "Nice to meet you" or "pleased to meet you" is fine, and "pleasure to meet you" is pretentious. I guess there's a sort of anti-classist thing going on here. – Matt Samuel May 01 '17 at 01:34
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    @JanusBahsJacquet Even though I know that the expected answer is 'How do you do' as well, it almost always turns out that I am mentally incapable of not spontaneously answering the question instead whenever I encounter it in the wild (i.e., I typically reply 'Fine, thanks' while at the very same moment thinking 'Damn, I should have said "How do you do" as well ...') – Hagen von Eitzen May 01 '17 at 11:10
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    I'm also British, and I would, most certainly, use "How do you do" in a formal work environment, when meeting a new client, or a peer from another office, in order to give the meeting at a professional level. I would even use it in a social environment, when first meeting someone, to indicate a certain level of good manners, and so as not to come across as too familiar. I wouldn't use it with my manager, if I had known them for a while, or with good friends. – Greenonline May 02 '17 at 14:34