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Unrequited, according to the most influential dictionaries, is a term mostly used in reference to love. As the following source notes:

  • Unrequited is used almost exclusively in the context of romantic love. If you love someone and they don't love you back––that, my friend, is a case of unrequited love.

As noted here, the term is quite old and was originally used in reference to money:

  • Unrequited love is so painful, most people feel they are the first person in history to experience it, but the word unrequited has in fact been around since the 1520s, when it was invented, like many good words, to talk about money. It derived from re- 'back' + the Middle English quite 'pay up.'

(Vocabulary.com)

Though it is true that unrequited is also collocated with other terms expressing feelings and emotions such as hatred, anger, lust etc., love is by far the term unrequited is most often associated with. Please see here.

enter image description here

What's so idiomatic about the term "unrequited" to be so closely and exclusively associated with "love"? Was it, perhaps, often used by writers and poets in the past to talk about love pains to make it a set phrase?

Or is the connection via the original "money concept" in the sense that it originally referred to "paid" love?

Mari-Lou A
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user 66974
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  • Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. – MetaEd Jul 17 '18 at 21:05
  • What do you mean by "idiomatic"? It has several diverse definitions. – Hot Licks Jul 19 '18 at 12:44
  • @HotLicks - the one I linked in my question, from ODO. – user 66974 Jul 19 '18 at 12:45
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    Using, containing, or denoting expressions that are natural to a native speaker. So you answered your own question?? What are you asking? – Hot Licks Jul 19 '18 at 13:11
  • @HotLicks . Here are my questions:

    1. What's so idiomatic about the term "unrequited" to be so closely and exclusively associated with "love"? Was it, perhaps, often used by writers and poets in the past to talk about love pains to make it a set phrase?

    2. Or is the connection via the original "money concept" in the sense that it originally referred to "paid" love?

     – user 66974 Jul 19 '18 at 13:16
  • That sounds as hough you're confusing two wholly different things.

    The evolution or etymology of "unrequited"doesn't make it "idiosyncratic", does it?

     – Robbie Goodwin Jul 19 '18 at 20:48
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    Please read again the definition of "idiomatic" that you linked to. – Hot Licks Jul 19 '18 at 21:41
  • For those attempting a new answer, a more idiomatic way of writing the question is "Why is the term 'unrequited' so closely and exclusively associated with 'love'?" – Mitch Jul 20 '18 at 17:24
  • @Mitch - yes, but that would just make it longer. “so closely and exclusively associated with” is already condensed into one single word in the current title: idiomatic. – user 66974 Jul 20 '18 at 19:22
  • @user070221 I was just changing as little as possible a sentence in the body of the text, not the title. If I were to do the title it would be: "Why is the term 'unrequited' associated with 'love'?". Again, as pointed out numerous times, 'idiomatic' does not mean 'closely and exclusively associates with'. 'Idiomatic' refers to a phrase, not a single word. A single word just has a frequency of use. – Mitch Jul 20 '18 at 19:33
  • 'Idiomatic' refers to a phrase and its naturalness for native speakers, in contradistinction to its following grammatical rules. That is, suppose you want to translate "Comment allez-vous?" to English. A literal translation is "How do you go?" which is perfectly grammatical English, but English speaking people never ever say that and say something else entirely. That is, the phrase is not idiomatic English. – Mitch Jul 20 '18 at 19:36
  • @Mitch - sorry, but if you read the whole question, not just the title, you may note that the term unrequited is being discussed as part of the idiomatic expression “unrequited love”, not just on its own. And, as a matter of fact, it takes single words put together to build a phrase. – user 66974 Jul 20 '18 at 19:37
  • Your title, "What is so idiomatic about 'unrequited'?' is unidiomatic English, because you just don't use 'idiomatic' that way. You might ask "Is 'unrequited love' (two words) idiomatic English?" (that is, do English speakers use it naturally, and of course the answer is yes. Also, asking 'Why?' is a very strange and unidiomatic question because there's no answering that, it just is, people just use that over and over, there's no 'why'. – Mitch Jul 20 '18 at 19:41
  • "It takes single words to build a phrase": sure. But you don't use a word that applies to a single word and apply that to multiple words. If you stubbed your toe, do you say "My whole body hurts?". Maybe you do. But I, as a native speaker, am just telling you that the use of 'idiomatic' in your title is clunky, unnatural, that is, unidiomatic. – Mitch Jul 20 '18 at 19:44
  • @Mitch -well, again I disagree. Words or expressions always become more or less popular for some reason. The problem is that is difficult to discover that reason, or, like you probably, some people couldn’t care less. But there is always a reason that requires research to be discovered. A famous book, a successful TV program, a popular piece of poetry... I am pretty sure that “unrequited” is used for some reason, hidden somewhere, but it is there. – user 66974 Jul 20 '18 at 19:46
  • @user070221 No doubt there is a lot interesting about the word 'unrequited' that has been offered to you already and more. But because of your unidiomatic use of the word 'idiomatic', I've been very confused about what exactly you want to discover about the word. I've only in these comments been trying to convey to you the usual patterns that the word 'idiomatic' is used in. I've said nothing about the word 'unrequited' at all. – Mitch Jul 20 '18 at 20:50
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    The OP’s reason for characterizing unrequited love as idiomatic is that it would almost always be unidiomatic to say unrequited X, where X is something other than love. – jsw29 Jul 21 '18 at 16:05

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The verb requite simply means to "repay", from the Middle English requite or requight. The OED has examples from 1440, twentieth-century ones being the following:

1919 Outing Mar. 314/1 How Jackson requited their aid will be seen in the sequel.

1938 E. Waugh Scoop 56 ‘It was the act of..a fellow Englishman,’ said the little man simply. ‘I hope that one day I shall have the opportunity of requiting it.’

1987 Nature 16 July 188/1 The decision of the British Midland Bank..to set aside an extra £915 million in respect of overseas loans unlikely to be requited.

The OED attributes two senses to unrequited, the first monetary and the second that which concerns human feelings e.g. unrequited love. Recent examples of the former are:

1915 T. G. Soares Social Inst. & Ideals Bible iv. 49 The bitter unrequited toil which the great kings and nobles exacted from their hordes of captives.

1947 Manch. Guardian 16 Apr. 6/7 These great balances can never be discharged or even diminished except by unrequited exports unbalanced by imports.

2004 P. R. Kumaraswamy in E. Karsh Israel 255 The prolonged Israeli overtures remained unrequited.

However there is no doubt that the more frequent use of the term nowadays concerns the matter of human feelings and as well as "love not repaid", it can also apply but less commonly to unrepaid hatred. The full entry for sense 2 is:

  1. Of a feeling, esp. love or desire: not reciprocated, not returned. In later use also applied to love, desire, etc., which is thwarted or remains unfulfilled for reasons other than lack of reciprocation.

1557 Earl of Surrey et al. Songes & Sonettes sig. G.ii (heading)
Complaint for true loue vnrequited.

1645 D. North Forest of Varieties i. 40 He that loves with unrequited love, And finds his heat ingender no reflection.

1694 N. H. Ladies Dict. 333/2 Thus begins his [sc. Ovid's] Remedy for such unrequited Love.

1767 T. Hull Perplexities iv. 59 No hope of perfect, or of lasting rest, While unrequited love corrodes the breast.

1814 Wordsworth Excursion vi. 254 He was crazed in brain By unrequited love.

1865 C. M. Yonge Clever Woman I. 298 Sisterly affection cannot blind me to the fact of that unrequited admiration for your honourable rival.

1913 J. J. Underwood Alaska 373 His [sc. Rezanof's] bright mind and courtly manners won..the heart of..Dona Concepcione. The story of their unrequited love was later woven into a lyrical romance by Bret Harte.

1916 B. Russell Justice in War-time 54 The Germans, we are given to understand, hate us with a bitter hatred, and long to believe that we feel towards them as they feel towards us; for unrequited hatred is as bitter as unrequited love.

1931 Times of India 28 Apr. 8/4 The ruthless murder of a child wife had been committed as a result of unrequited lust and unsatisfied desire.

1993 Times of India 21 Feb. 15/5 The song..comes at a point when the couple's love is about to go unrequited.

2009 J. Holmes Darwin's Bards vii. 200 The Renaissance sonneteers wrote about unrequited desire from the male lover's perspective.

WS2
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    This is right, but it's worth including (per the Etymology Online mistake that @user# based their answer upon) more discussion about how there's an earlier source (by only one year) for unrequited in relation to debts and other obligations (not just money) but that the emotional sense arose at essentially the same time. It's thus not idiomatic but simply the modern English word for such unreturned emotions. – lly Jul 16 '18 at 05:38
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    @lly I don't understand the OP's use of "idiomatic" here. Did they perhaps mean "metaphoric"? – WS2 Jul 16 '18 at 07:46
  • By idiomatic I mean this: https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=unrequited+love%2Cunrequited+anger%2Cunrequited+hate%2Cunrequited+feeling%2C+unrequited+lust%2C+unrequited+hatred&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20love%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20anger%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20hate%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20feeling%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20lust%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20hatred%3B%2Cc0- – user 66974 Jul 16 '18 at 09:26
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    @user110518 The principal meaning of "idiomatic" per the OED is Relating to or exhibiting the forms of expression, grammatical constructions, phrases, etc. used in a distinctive way in a particular language, dialect, or language variety, formerly especially those considered nonstandard or colloquial. Now usually spec.: established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from the meanings of the individual words.** An idiom is not simply a frequently-used expression and the meaning of "unrequited love" seems to me perfectly deducible from the individual words. – WS2 Jul 16 '18 at 13:22
  • Another connotation of idiomatic is: English Idiomatic also means natural in expression, correct without being too formal: His English is fluent and idiomatic. https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/idiomatic - Having said that, whatever you may think about idiomatic usage of an expression, a fact remains, that “unrequited love” is an idiomatic expression of the English language. – user 66974 Jul 16 '18 at 13:32
  • Well if you want to regard it as idiomatic, far be it from me to try and stand in your way. I would say however that that particular dictionary (which happens to be marketed with the name "Cambridge" in its title) bears no comparison with the OED which is widely regarded as the ultimate authority on the history of the English language, as spoken around the world. – WS2 Jul 16 '18 at 18:55
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2nd Edit: It is not "idiomatic". It simply means "not returned/reciprocated". One of the definition of "requited" is "returned/reciprocated". Using this definition, unrequited means unreciprocated. This could be for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the popularity and ubiquitous nature of the experience of "love" itself.

The first stated "original" usage (pertaining to money) for "unrequited" is incorrect. That stated original usage is actually for "requited" (first used circa 1400s). This earlier used "Requited", which is quite a different word pertaining to money, has fallen out of relative usage and favor while the now more frequently used words "unrequited" along with "love" (first use in 1500s) has enormously grown in favor and usage.

The earliest reference to "unrequited" seems to be in reference to love and not to money as the question implies (circa 1540s).

https://www.etymonline.com/word/unrequited

The suggested reference of "unrequited" (as pertaining to money) rather directs to the earlier distinct usage of the word "requite" which had its origins in the 1400's.

https://www.etymonline.com/word/requite

It is not surprising that "unrequited" love has maintained it's earliest invented meaning and that latter usages have obviously followed. Using the Google search engine with the search terms "unrequited" vs "unrequited -love" yields a estimated relative usage ratio of 7,310,000 hits to 850,000 hits or roughly - 10:1 ratio - love relate:love unrelated. This is certainly not "idiomatic".

In addition, correctly using these two distinct usages (each having separate origins), the comparison can then be made between “requited ” (a word meaning repayment/return – no longer so commonly used) vs. “unrequited love” (a descriptive word phrase - meaning only unreturned love – commonly used to this day). The word “requite” (past tense = requited) is a verb that has MANY alternatives for use in its place. The word phrase “unrequited love” is essentially an adjective-noun combination. The word “unrequited” is only used as a specific adjective that has VERY FEW alternatives that preserve the latter invented meaning of “unrequited love”. This probably best explains the prevalent use of “unrequited love” to this day. The descriptive phrase “unrequited love” has found few effective alternatives, and the need for its use never goes away.

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/requite/3?s=t

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/unrequited?s=t

user22542
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    You last couple of lines actually rephrase my question. Do you have an answer? – user 66974 Jul 13 '18 at 18:03
  • Glad I could help. It is still in common use other than it's relation to "love". It is also still used in with legal terminology perhaps sometimes pertaining to money. https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/unrequited – user22542 Jul 13 '18 at 19:18
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    The OP is asking why it remains in use with respect to love, when it has fallen out of use in all other contexts. This answer does not offer an explanation that the OP is seeking. It is quite possible that no explanation can be given (it just happened, for no particular reason), but then that would be the answer to the OP's question. – jsw29 Jul 14 '18 at 00:35
  • I can find no explanation as to why it's usage has skewed toward "unrequited love". Perhaps the grip of limerence holds the clue. Maybe a better answer will be given. – user22542 Jul 14 '18 at 03:27
  • Thanks for trying but your main point falls flat since Etymology Online is so frequently wrong, as it is in this case. – lly Jul 16 '18 at 05:33
  • +1 This answer counters a main assertion in the question that this is an idiomatic expression. Yes, you can look for statistics on when the two words became linked to each other, perhaps more often than other words (I'm not sure that's been shown), but it certainly doesn't seem like an idiom to me. It's a common pairing, but it's still just two words (both of which are used in combination with other words) which have no greater meaning when joined than you would expect from their individual meanings. – Jason Bassford Jul 17 '18 at 02:11
  • @JasonBassford - https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=unrequited%20love%2Cunrequited%20anger%2Cunrequited%20hate%2Cunrequited%20feeling%2C%20unrequited%20lust%2C%20unrequited%20hatred&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20love%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20anger%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20hate%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20feeling%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20lust%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cunrequited%20hatred%3B%2Cc0 - I didn’t say it is an idiom, I said it is idiomatic : https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/idiomatic – user 66974 Jul 17 '18 at 06:48
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    @user070221 But you seem to be giving the phrase (or even just the word unrequited) a special status above and beyond, say, red apple; yet, in fact, it's just two words stuck together and used in a way that makes sense. You are assigning the conjunction of the two words a unique particular meaning. (Which is what both "idiomatic expressions" and "idioms" do.) In short, I think your use of "idiomatic" acts as a red herring to an otherwise interesting question. – Jason Bassford Jul 18 '18 at 00:40
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    @JasonBassford, red apple is hardly analogous to unrequited love: we use red for very many things other than apples, but we almost never use unrequited for anything other than love, even when the word would, so far as its definition is concerned, be perfectly suitable. The phrase unrequited love therefore does seem to have some kind of a 'special status', that red apple lacks, and the OP is asking for an explanation of that special status. It is irrelevant to the core of the question whether that special status is labeled idiomatic. – jsw29 Jul 19 '18 at 17:10
  • @jsw29 I totally agree. The interesting part of this question has nothing to do with it being idiomatic or not. So, I wish it would stop being expressed that way. – Jason Bassford Jul 19 '18 at 17:52
  • @jsw29 That isn't true. "Red apple" and "unreciprocated love" are both descriptive adjective/noun combos. Apple (as a fruit) likewise has very few effective alternatives, although "red" has many. I suspect that "red apple" will remain as most popular usage for a long time. I suspect the same might be said of "red herring". – user22542 Jul 19 '18 at 18:19
  • @jsw29 - I think you perfectly understood my question, while most other users involved, for sone reason, got stuck with the term “idiomatic”and appear to be unable to move on. Maybe you consider posting an answer. – user 66974 Jul 19 '18 at 19:52
  • @user070221, thanks, but I only wish I knew the answer. – jsw29 Jul 20 '18 at 17:01
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It seems like an important part of this question is, essentially, when did "unrequited" become obsolete in senses unrelated to love, or, to what extent and during what spans of time did "unrequited" become more firmly associated with love than other things?

To explore that, we can use the Google Ngram corpus by measuring the use of a compound ("unrequited love") against a single word ("unrequited") as a ratio.

Such a ratio would not be very useful without some kind of baseline. The closest equivalent word I can think of would be unreciprocated, which could be used to explain love that is not returned just as unrequited can, but which is not known to be unique to describing love.

The resulting graph below presents percentages of "unreciprocated" that are an instance of "unreciprocated love" as a red baseline, while percentages of "unrequited" that are an instance of "unrequited love" are in blue.

enter image description here

I'm uncertain how much we can really draw any conclusions from the resulting graph. It appears that "unreciprocated" diverged from this experimental baseline between the 1920s and 1940s, but shifts in usage had already been occurring earlier.

If the question is looking for a catalyst that might have instigated this divergence in meaning, I don't think we have enough evidence to make a legitimate claim. The citations in the OED do not support a theory that one particular use caused an increase in association between the word "unrequited" and "love" during the time period exposed by the graph.

RaceYouAnytime
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    I think you understood the question and the evidence you show comparing unrequited love vs unreciprocated love farther support the argument of the ever closer link between the terms unrequited and love. Looking at other instances of different terms used with “unrequited” it is clear that the expression has become sort of a fixed one IMO. See Ngram I added in the question please. – user 66974 Jul 16 '18 at 10:21
  • Though not a complete answer, this post is the only real attempt at answering the question. – user 66974 Jul 23 '18 at 06:29
  • @user070221 idiomatic phrases are frequently phrases that were once unremarkable, capable of being formed independently by any speaker of the language, and have survived despite some change in the language that makes the phrase remarkable. For example, an idiomatic phrase may reflect an obsolete or nearly obsolete element of grammar, as in "far be it from me," or it may reflect vocabulary that is no longer commonly in use elsewhere, such as "pet peeve" or, indeed, "unrequited love." – phoog Jul 25 '18 at 03:41