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The use of the term sir as a form of address for men, especially those of higher rank or status, is discussed in several prior questions including this one. They all indicate that the term is reserved to males, and that there are a number of related terms for females, such as ma'am.

A review of the first dozen online dictionaries at onelook.com confirms that sir is strictly reserved for male addressees. For example ODO defines it as

used as a polite or respectful way of addressing a man, especially one in a position of authority: excuse me, sir

On several recent television shows in the US, the term sir has been used by a police officer to address his or her supervisor who was female. In the context, the use was sincere and was not objected to by the superior.

Has the use of sir when addressing a superior female in a military or quasi-military setting become acceptable, or is this merely literary license?

Community
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bib
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    Interesting parenthetical note in Wikipedia: When addressing a male superior (e.g. Officer or Warrant Officer, but not usually a non-commissioned officer, in the military), "sir" is used as a short form of address. (Despite its use in many fictional works, this is not a term used for female superiors, who are addressed as "ma'am"). – J.R. Aug 06 '13 at 20:52
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    Having had some experience with the U.S. Navy, I can assure you that calling a female superior officer "sir" would pretty quickly get you your a** handed to you. "Ma'am" is correct, I assure you. – John M. Landsberg Aug 06 '13 at 21:02
  • Can you give specific citations of some of these recent TV shows, so we can see the context for ourselves? – Nate Eldredge Aug 06 '13 at 22:58
  • @NateEldredge In episodes of Castle, Detective Becket refers to her female captain as Sir. I have a general recall of another such pattern but cannot recall the exact show. There are references on the web to the use of sir for female officers in some Star Trek movies or episodes. – bib Aug 07 '13 at 00:21
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    This is not a question about English, but about military (or paramilitary) protocols or etiquette. The answer will vary from organization to organization. – MetaEd Aug 07 '13 at 01:04
  • In the show Castle, Beckett's boss specifically requests to be addressed as Sir or Captain, showing that this form of address is not standard in the setting of the show. – aedia λ Jan 09 '14 at 20:38
  • Anyone remember Madonna’s Girlie Show tour in 1992? There was a bit there which was quite wannabe-military in style, where Madonna ordered her ‘cadets’ to do something and they replied, “Yes sir!”. She then replied, “That’s Yes Sir Mrs. Sir Yes Sir!”. Not something I imagine is very widespread in the real world, but I’ve always wanted to address a superior with a good Yes Sir Mrs. Sir Yes Sir. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Feb 18 '14 at 22:30
  • In the movie Halo, not the game that I know of, one guy addressed the high ranked female officer as 'sir'. Though this is just a movie it does not prove anything, I was wanting to join the air force and was confused by this problem also..I just don't want to say the wrong thing and then get yelled at. –  Feb 18 '14 at 22:22
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    @JanusBahsJacquet, that reminds me of the Geordie dialect (Newcastle-upon-Tyne, NE England), in which you would address a man as "man" as in "gan canny, man" (meaning "take care") and a woman as "pet". However the "man" has become such an ingrained way of ending a sentence that it's not uncommon to hear "gan canny, pet, man", "gan canny, man, pet" or even "gan canny, man, pet, man". – Phil M Jones Feb 19 '14 at 14:31
  • Even if it was sincere, it might be some kind of running joke between them. Maybe she does not like Ma'am. – skymningen Mar 25 '14 at 07:42
  • And I just heard it used in the Canadian show "The Listener" by a male Lieutenant to his immediate female superior. In case it matters the episode is "The Blue Line" just under halfway through. –  May 28 '14 at 03:37
  • On the TV show Castle, Beckett, a female officer, often addresses her superior female boss as "sir", in a respectful context. –  Mar 25 '14 at 05:23
  • Picard also refers to a female admiral as "sir" in TNG, and in Fullmetal Alchemist, all of the characters call Major General Armstrong (a woman) "sir." –  Feb 26 '15 at 05:58
  • If you really thought addressing a woman as "Sir" acceptable, should you not be able to both cite and justify a few instances?

    That's not "merely…" nor any "literary license"; it's a mistake.

    Some episodes of Star Trek: Voyager - 500 years in the future - address female Captain Janeway as "Sir…" but in some way not explained, her case is special. Unless I was asleep on watch, no other senior women are called "Sir…"

    However many TV shows use the term "sir" for female superiors, with of without objection, how could you or anyone seem "sincere" while stripping "sir" of its capital?

     – Robbie Goodwin Jun 26 '20 at 00:24

4 Answers4

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As commented by @MετάEd, this seems a question of military etiquette. So allow to me offer this answer based on what I have observed.

I am not a member of the military myself, but I spend a lot of time working at a U.S. military base in a building that houses many male and female members of the military, members of every service (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, and Coast Guard), as well as members of the Canadian and Mexican military.

In every case that I have witnessed (where the speakers are using English), women are addressed as "ma'am." Additionally, half of the people answer their phones with a phrase similar to, "Hello this is Private John Doe; how may I help you sir or ma'am?"

As a side note, I wish that my French and Spanish were better so that I could comment on how the users of those languages address each other.

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The U.S. Army Field Manual FM 7-21.13 Section 4.18 states:

4-18. A soldier addressing a higher ranking officer uses the word sir or ma’am in the same manner as a polite civilian speaking with a person to whom he wishes to show respect. In the military service, the matter of who says sir or ma’am to whom is clearly defined; in civilian life it is largely a matter of discretion. In the case of NCOs and soldiers, we address them by their rank because they’ve earned that rank.

Therefore, the military protocol follows the civilian protocol of respectful addresses, with the additional requirement that the greeting is mandatory when addressing superior officers.

Since in normal day English one does not generally refer to females as "sir", the same would apply in a military context.

March Ho
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Sir is for men. Most women would be offended if you called them sir (with the possible exception of some supreme feminists). Like John M. Landsberg commented, "Ma'am" is what you want to use unless you're asking for trouble.

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    I don't know any feminists who would advocate a “sir” default. – Tyler James Young Jan 09 '14 at 20:54
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    Yeah, @Bobo, I think you have profoundly misunderstand extremist feminism. – Codeswitcher May 28 '14 at 04:01
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    How so, @Codeswitcher? Feminists are people who believe women and men have equal rights, yes? Then some of these people might also believe that they should also have equal titles. – Bobo May 28 '14 at 17:18
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    @Bobo First, there definitely are feminists who want to be addressed as "sir". For instance, the male ones. Secondly you're assuming that the women under discussion would want to achieve "equal" titles by adopting the male one. And more specifically, you're talking about the very subset which spells their sex "womyn" so as not to have "man" in the word: I don't think demanding to be called by a male honorific is likely to be high on their agenda for equality. Why don't you look into it and report back. – Codeswitcher May 28 '14 at 20:27
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  • I was obviously talking about women feminists (since I said earlier in the sentence, "most women"). 2. You are generalizing feminists yourself. Not all of them want to be called "womyn". And I am talking very small cases of people here, so just because you've never met one doesn't mean they don't exist. And 3. I actually have met a woman who thought being called "ma'am" was derogatory and preferred being called sir. Not sure anyone actually did, but that was her preference. (Also, why are you bothering a year-old post?)
    • – Bobo May 28 '14 at 21:03