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I don't get this joke. Is it some kind of play on "water, too?"

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It's the end of the day and there's no need to talk about work." The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

Transcript:

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have a glass of water too. Why did you say H2O? It's the end of the day and there's no need to talk about work." The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

Andrew Leach
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Michael Owen Sartin
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    H2O2, the expected (audible) order from the second scientist, wouldn't have been so innocuous. It seems a strange sort of bar, though. And I think the descriptor 'joke' isn't all that appropriate. – Edwin Ashworth Feb 18 '14 at 22:33
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    Not to mention that they can't even spell H₂O right. Epic fail on all accounts. – RegDwigнt Feb 18 '14 at 22:34
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    Hah! Maybe I have a terrible sense of humour, but I actually think that’s pretty damn funny. :-D – Janus Bahs Jacquet Feb 18 '14 at 22:36
  • Shouldn't you be WS₂? – Edwin Ashworth Feb 18 '14 at 22:41
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    I agree with @Janus. Tricking the guy into ordering hydrogen peroxide is hilarious! I can't say that I got it without the explanation (but then it was REALLY funny!) – David M Feb 18 '14 at 22:42
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    I think it's really funny too. Hey, I'll have a glass of H2O2. And get me an ambulance as a chaser. – Eli Feb 18 '14 at 22:45
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    Reminds me of a little rhyme our school's Chemistry master used to repeat, to emphasise the dangers of working with chemicals: Ramsbottom Minor is dead and gone, We'll see his face no more, For what he thought was H2O, Was H2SO4! – WS2 Feb 18 '14 at 22:45
  • The key, for me, was to realize that we are looking at a lecture slide. That is one great Chem lesson! –  Feb 18 '14 at 23:17
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    @Eli: That would be an ambulance and {an ambulance} chaser. Assuming you survived, you'd want that lawyer on the case asap. Whatever - it might be old, but I hadn't heard this one before and it tickled me too. And I think it's reasonably On Topic, which imho is a rarity with questions of the "please explain this joke" type on ELU. – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 01:17
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    @Janus: I think the evidence is you've got a better sensayuma than Edwin, who doesn't acknowledge that it's a joke at all, and Reg, who apparently thinks just because they didn't "subscript" the digit, they can't "spell". – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 01:26
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    You can tell he’s on a diet: otherwise he’d’ve ordered D₂O instead. Then if the next guy one-upped him and splurged on T₂O, it would’ve been even wickeder than H₂O₂. – tchrist Feb 19 '14 at 06:52
  • Why is this not off-topic? First off, it should have been asked on chemistry.SE. – user13107 Feb 19 '14 at 08:39
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    I prefer a shorter subversion of this joke: "I'd like some H₂O as well." – Joe Z. Feb 19 '14 at 16:41
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    @user13107 I'm pretty sure "explain this joke" is more appropriate on English SE than chemistry SE even if the punchline happens to require a bit of chemistry knowledge. – Kyle Strand Feb 19 '14 at 18:10
  • @EdwinAshworth Out of curiosity, how do you define "joke"? – Kyle Strand Feb 19 '14 at 18:10
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    @DavidM the trick is damn funny alright. But a damn funny joke can be told in a damn funny way, and it can be ruined quite pathetically. And the entire bit after "Why did you have to say H₂O?" is all about ruining it. When half of the joke consists of trying to explain the joke, and trying to explain it very clumsily, and then failing at explaining it, then in my book that's the very definition of an epic fail. – RegDwigнt Feb 19 '14 at 19:05
  • @FumbleFingers I didn't subscript the digit, either, I used an entirely different Unicode code point. So it is indeed a different spelling. – RegDwigнt Feb 19 '14 at 19:07
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    @RegDwigнt I never implied the guy could tell a joke! I just said that the joke wound up being funny in spite of the lousy delivery! Effectively, after the explanation I retold the joke to myself and laughed. There are scores of examples of jokes being funny, but not being told correctly having ruined them. Any joke my Mother-in-Law tries to tell, for instance! – David M Feb 19 '14 at 19:08
  • @RegDwigнt: I never know what specific character I'm using in such contexts. I just Google something like 2 subscript, and hope the first page of snippets shows me a character I can cut&paste. btw - does mod status enable you to establish whether choster's answer here really is the "most upvotes in (less than) one day" for an answer on ELU? I reckon it must be. – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 19:27
  • @FumbleFingers what close vote? I don't see any. (Best move comments here than under Freeman's answer) – Mari-Lou A Feb 19 '14 at 23:10
  • @Mari-Lou: My bad. I meant down vote (wish I knew how to put those first four characters in bold without having to add a space). – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 23:26
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    @Kyle Strand: It mustn't involve a situation which is over-contrived: how much sense does it make assuming that someone will actually serve hydrogen peroxide at a bar? Worst murder plot ever: the – er, joke – needs tweaking. _'I'll have an H₂O too' _ 'Are you implying I'm not a natural blonde?' It's a fine line, though – I think Eli's surreal extension is far funnier, though it mangles language to a Grouchoesque degree. – Edwin Ashworth Feb 20 '14 at 08:45
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    Here is an illustrated version of the original joke. Shared enough to have its own anti-joke. – Morwenn Feb 20 '14 at 09:04
  • @Morwenn. I like your illustrated version. When the second guy speaks, he needs to be quoted as saying "H2O2, too," if the pun is to work. – Michael Owen Sartin Feb 20 '14 at 13:30
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    OK, these are not original with me, but I heard them from the Science Comedian, Brian Malow. Joke #1:

    Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve bacteria in this bar!" They reply: "But we work here! We're staph!" Joke #2: Schroedinger's Cat walks into a bar. And doesn't. The first one most people should get, but the second requires some knowledge of quantum mechanics, and so is funny only to a subset of people.

     – Cyberherbalist Feb 19 '14 at 17:39
  • @WS2 Heh, our high school chem class had a longer version of the poem, which I'm amazed I still remember a dozen years later: Little Billy saw a glass / Little Billy didn't think / Little Billy picked it up and quickly took a drink. / Little Billy went to heaven / Little Billy is no more / for what he thought was H20 / was H2SO4. – neminem Feb 20 '14 at 18:39
  • +1 for the transcript. (Really should go to the editor who put it in, but i can't do that) – Frames Catherine White Feb 23 '14 at 06:34

3 Answers3

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This is an old chemistry pun. The first scientist expected the exchange to go something like

Scientist 1: I’d like some H₂O.

Scientist 2: I’d like some H₂O, too.

which would sound exactly the same as

Scientist 2: I’d like some H₂O₂.

H₂O₂ is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, of which a glass would be highly toxic.

Community
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choster
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    I think it's interesting that your current highest upvoted answer is also joke-related. I'll have a bet with you that this one will overtake that one before the year is out! (Unless of course my mentioning it means that everyone who upvotes this one will follow the link and upvote the other one too! :) – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 01:21
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    @FumbleFingers The funny thing is, I'm not very funny. – choster Feb 19 '14 at 15:00
  • That's for you to know and us to find out, as they say. Doubtless my constant attempts to post "witty" comments on ELU must get up your nose sometimes, but I now wish I'd put "I find it funny* that..."* in my first comment. Anyway, it looks like I'd be pretty certain to win that bet if you took me up on it - as I write this, the current answer already has 80 upvotes chasing 87 for the earlier one. I'd go further and say this may well end up being the all-time "fastest riser" in terms of votes gained in the first week for an answer on ELU. – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 15:44
  • (lucky ELU gives 5 minutes grace for "comment edits" - I've just had to change 78 to 80 above, after pressing "Add Comment") – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 15:47
  • @Fumble - One never knows what answers will bring a lode of upvotes on the Stack Exchange. My second-highest upvoted answer came on a question about a farting priest. I also reached 50 votes on a rather simple question about sitting in a chair. Who'da thunk? – J.R. Feb 20 '14 at 02:01
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    And this is one of the infuriating things about SE. I would in fact consider none of my top-5 vote-getters as "great" answers; one consists of 9 words and barely makes the character count minimum. Meanwhile, several answers which I put a good amount of thought into, and which by any objective measure I would think are at least not "bad" answers, languish in the negatives. – choster Feb 20 '14 at 06:12
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    @choster, It's a "popular post" contest, not a "good post" contest. – Pacerier Feb 22 '14 at 11:59
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As choster explained, this is a modification of a chemistry joke.

I'd just like to add that this is an example of an anti-joke.

An anti-joke is typically prepared and delivered in a similar fashion to a regular joke but the climax (the punchline) is realistic, disappointing or depressing. This can still be funny because it can still shock the listener.

Another example of an anti-joke is:

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.

Rowan Freeman
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    Reminds me of one of my favorites (SFW): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OopAwUaqknM -- A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'It’s probably not a good idea that you’re in here. You’re a very large animal and any sudden movements and you may injure somebody. I don’t know why you’re here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from, so you should probably leave.' – Jason C Feb 19 '14 at 05:55
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    I totally disagree with the idea that OP's offering is an "anti-joke". It might be classed as an "in-joke", in that you need to know your chemistry to "get" it unaided. But everyone knows H2O=water (and the joke deftly reminds you of that before the punchline, even if it's at the margins of your knowledge). And most people have heard of hydrogen peroxide and know it's not good to drink it, even if they're not consciously aware of the chemical formula. Even if someone doesn't get the joke immediately, choster's final single sentence is probably all they'd need, to laugh along with the rest. – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 16:10
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    Two mathematicians walk into a bar. The third one ducks. – Joe Z. Feb 19 '14 at 16:33
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    The OP's joke is only really funny if you're familiar with the original joke, which is sort of the earmark of successful anti-jokes (only this one isn't successful IMO because it's way too verbose). "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!" is the canonical anti-joke, and I'm fond of "How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One" and "What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car? You get to the other side," and the followup, "What do you get when you cross a bridge with a bicycle? You get to the other side with fewer toxic emissions." – fluffy Feb 19 '14 at 17:20
  • @FumbleFingers I didn't get the joke, although I am aware of the formula of water. I had to look it up on Google to find the answer. It's quite an old joke, and it could be argued that the post is general reference. I'm also surprised that users consider this question and the answer to be about the English language, can't see it myself. – Mari-Lou A Feb 19 '14 at 21:55
  • @Mari-Lou: I hope you mean you came across the joke some time ago, and had to Google the explanation then. I can't believe you could leave this page, seeking enlightenment from Google, without noticing choster's answer with its still-skyrocketing vote tally. Pretty much the full "explanation" is in the last sentence of that succinct text. As to why *I* think it's On Topic - I admit it's mainly because it's a good joke that I hadn't heard before. But it's a non-intuitive juxtaposition of two words (one with 2 written forms) which are both very common, too. – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 22:09
  • @FumbleFingers I saw the question before Choster posted his answer. At the time there were only comments, edwin's comment was cryptic for me, (No, I didn't know what H2o2 was) and so I looked it up. Found Yahoo, read it, came back, Choster had posted. Did not think this question would enjoy so much popularity in such an explosive way. The difference between "two", "to" and "too" is general reference to me! :) – Mari-Lou A Feb 19 '14 at 22:14
  • @fluffy: To a considerable extent, humour is a personal thing. It wasn't until I got to the last line (The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed) that I realised I must have missed something. I knew of hydrogen peroxide, but wasn't consciously aware of the formula H₂O₂. In fact, I didn't realise what the exact chemical was until I started reading the comments. But I'd already "got" the joke to my personal satisfaction by then, by extrapolation from carbon dioxide: not that bad, stuff we breathe out all the time | carbon monoxide: deadly – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 22:23
  • @Mari-Lou: In principle I should have known enough to realise the slight change to the chemical formula couldn't result in, say, "sulphuric acid". But in my initial amusement I really did suppose it might be "hydrochloric acid" or something similar ("hydro" sounds "watery" enough to me). Whatever - I knew it was bound to be some kind of nasty chemical, definitely not* water. But to my mind 90% of the questions asked here are GR - at least this one is interesting and funny*. I certainly won't be closevoting (as one killjoy has so far). – FumbleFingers Feb 19 '14 at 23:00
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    @FumbleFingers A joke is like a frog: you can dissect either one, and neither will survive. – fluffy Feb 20 '14 at 00:59
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    An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says: "What is this – some sort of a joke?" – Edwin Ashworth Feb 20 '14 at 08:51
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    A rabbi walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve string here." And the rabbi says, "I'm sorry, I must be in the wrong joke." – David Conrad Feb 20 '14 at 17:28
  • @JasonC I find the funny part about the joke you quoted to be None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from – Josh Feb 21 '14 at 22:37
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    @Josh Me too. I don't know why. The assumption that anything that walks into a bar and orders a drink will be able to consume that drink is one of the most automatic conceits of bar jokes. Seeing it pointed out makes me say, "Oh. Right. Good point, I never thought of that." The joke is more a commentary on bar jokes themselves than a commentary on a horse in a bar (this is very much Reggie Watts' typical style). – Jason C Feb 21 '14 at 22:43
  • @FumbleFingers Nothing you said convinced me that it isn't an anti-joke. The (anti-)joke is a parody of the original joke as mentioned by choster. In this scenario the delivery is deliberately lengthy and the climax is disappointingly different from the original. All of these techniques (including parodying) are defining characteristics of an anti-joke. – Rowan Freeman May 07 '14 at 06:16
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The reader is expected to be familiar with this joke, which has seen a lot of popularity on the Internet on sites like reddit lately:

h202

The punchline here is that H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide, which can be poisonous if drunk.

BlueRaja - Danny Pflughoeft
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    +1 for the joke works because you are expected to be familiar with the original punchline —  H202. But it's been scientifically proven on EL&U that a lot of people weren't. – Mari-Lou A Feb 24 '14 at 08:12