Is 'my wife and I' correct English?

Question

Is it proper grammar to write:

Please join my wife and I for coffee...

Or is it

me and my wife

Or

my wife and me

"I" pronoun first person singular is always capitalized in English. There are two different issues in your question, both have been answered before here. Both questions have been asked several times here. See answers to When do I use “I” instead of “me?”, and “Me and my wife” or “my wife and me” — None, Mar 09 '14 at 08:30
It depends on context. What is proper in an informal context is not always proper in a formal context. However, "I and my wife" is basically never used. — David Schwartz, Mar 09 '14 at 11:00
How is such a simple question not a duplicate 3 years after this site was launched? — Peter Mortensen, Mar 09 '14 at 11:36
@Peter - Maybe because the answer is so readily found with a bit of research. The O.P. might want to check out [ell.se], though. — J.R., Mar 09 '14 at 11:51
@Peter to echo J.R. It likely has been asked and closed due to Off-Topic: Gen Ref. — David M, Mar 09 '14 at 13:17
@Peter: actually it is a duplicate (of a duplicate of a duplicate), and in point of fact it would have been a duplicate 3 months before the site was launched. Which is sort of what the very first comment says. — RegDwigнt, Mar 09 '14 at 20:19

score 13 · Answer 1 · answered Mar 09 '14 at 08:09

13

The rule is that you use 'I' if it forms part of the subject of the verb, but 'me' if it's the object or predicate.

Thus it should be 'Please join my wife and me'.

But it is correct to say:

'My wife and I are going to the theatre tonight'.

Using 'I' when it is the object in this way, such as 'He told my wife and I that he was an expert', is a VERY FREQUENT ERROR.

answered Mar 09 '14 at 08:09

WS2

64,657

Is "I and my wife" also correct? – user541686 Mar 09 '14 at 10:32
1

As the subject of the sentence, yes. But as Barrie England notes above, it is seldom found because it is considered courteous to put the first person pronoun last, after any reference to anyone else. – WS2 Mar 09 '14 at 11:25

score 7 · Answer 2 · answered Mar 09 '14 at 07:37

7

It is not proper to say or write "Please join my wife and I". You should use me, and it doesn't matter which order. The simple rule of thumb for deciding whether to use me or I is to take the other person out of the sentence. You wouldn't say "Please join I", so don't say "Please join my wife and I".

answered Mar 09 '14 at 07:37

user68262

139

You wouldn't say "Please join I" Unless you're Jamaican :) – Saaru Lindestøkke Mar 09 '14 at 14:38

score 4 · Answer 3 · answered Mar 09 '14 at 08:40

4

Objections to this use of I in object position when coordinated with a noun or another pronoun are always based on the idea that it’s me when it’s uncoordinated, so it must also be me when it’s coordinated. But, as the authors of ‘The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language' write:

. . . why should we simply assume that the grammatical rules for case assignment cannot differentiate between a coordinated and a non-coordinated pronoun?

Their conclusion is that constructions such as the one in your example are:

. . . used by many highly educated people with social prestige in the community; it should therefore be regarded as a variant Standard English form.

answered Mar 09 '14 at 08:40

Barrie England

140,205

1

+1. I was wondering if anybody here would actually provide some decent info. . . . :) – F.E. Mar 09 '14 at 08:49
And this from someone (G Pullum) who says 'If there's a knock at the door, and when asked who it is the visitor replies "It is I", don't let them in. It's not somebody you want to know.' – Edwin Ashworth Mar 09 '14 at 09:15
1

G. Pullum is an ass. While he may not be downright wrong here, he frequently is. In this case, he seems to ignore that this variant only exists when I is non-initial in the coordination. “Please have dinner with I and my wife” us virtually nonexistent. The conditioning factor here is not coordination, but initialness and distance between the pronoun and its governing element. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Mar 09 '14 at 09:46
2

He was not the sole author of CGEL. It is a variant nonetheless, however you care to explain it. The reason ‘Please have dinner with I and my wife’ is not found (if that is the case), I suggest, is that in a context such as a dinner invitation it would be normal, because courteous, for the speaker to place the first person pronoun, in whatever form, after any reference to anyone else. – Barrie England Mar 09 '14 at 09:55
2

What the Cambridge Grammar therefore seems to confirm, is that 'social prestige in the community' overrides everything including the rules of grammar. – WS2 Mar 09 '14 at 11:19
2

Where do you think the rules of grammar come from? – Barrie England Mar 09 '14 at 12:25
Clearly from 'highly educated people with social prestige in the community'! Whilst I had heard that British foreign policy had been made 'on the playing fields of Eton', it had not occurred to me that the rules of English grammar had been too. – WS2 Mar 09 '14 at 12:49

score 0 · Answer 4 · answered Mar 09 '14 at 15:38

Of the three options you presented, "my wife and me" is correct.

I might use "my wife and myself" instead, though. I am unaware of a rule especially mandating or forbidding this option though. The "y" in "myself" could fill any sense of need for an i-sound.

In either case, you need the first-person singular object pronoun: "me;" or, again; "myself."

Is 'my wife and I' correct English?

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