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For quite some time, I've been hearing the phrase "to be honest" almost every day. I've heard friends say it, characters on TV shows, and even an NPR reporter said it in an interview.

Example:

"To be honest, I don't like spaghetti."

Why do people have to specify when they are being honest? Or I've thought maybe the phrase is actually supposed to mean "to be blunt" or "let me tell it to you straight."

How did the word "honest" get in the mix?

JohnDubya
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    To be frank, I don't think it's a strange or new phenomenon. Honestly, it's used in basically every language I can think of, no lie. Truth be told, it seems an almost universal need for humans to emphasise that, actually, they are speaking the literal truth. The truth of the matter is that no one even gives it a second's thought. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Jul 07 '14 at 16:41
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    I'd venture to say that most of the time it has to do with political correctness and/or people not knowing things that are considered common knowledge. It's an indication of someone's intent in genuinely communicating with others, regardless of how it may poorly reflect on the speaker/writer. – Mdev Jul 07 '14 at 16:45
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    I generally counter this pet peeve of mine with "Finally, some honesty!". Always throws people. – Thomas Jul 07 '14 at 16:50
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    ever since Gavin and Stacey (TV Show) it seems to be more common to start a sentence with "I'm not gonna lie", which for me immediately suggests everything else they have said is somehow less truthful or false. –  Jul 07 '14 at 18:11
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    Has anyone else noticed that often, those who are known to lie or bend the truth the most are the ones who say "to be honest" the most? At least that has been true in my personal experience. – JohnDubya Jul 07 '14 at 18:15
  • @JanusBahsJacquet, "no one even gives it a second thought"...except for me, evidently. :) I found that because I noticed the phrase wasn't accurate to what I was meaning, I began saying "to be blunt" or "to be frank." But you're right that, even in my experience, no one thinks about using the phrase - it just comes naturally. – JohnDubya Jul 07 '14 at 18:23
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    "To totally lie to your face, I absolutely love your new hair style" - I'm not sure what kind of message that would give. – Mitch Jul 07 '14 at 20:27
  • @JanusBahsJacquet +1 for a witty remark. – Centaurus Jul 07 '14 at 23:03
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    @JohnDubya I agree. And my impression is that I hear it more from people I don't know who insistently try to convince me of something I am not interested in -- most commonly salespeople (or people with a salesperson mentality). To me, it's a turnoff, if not a big red flag: I tend to stop listening (or at least trusting) when I hear it... But yes, it is also a tic with some other people, in which case I try to ignore it. – Drew Jul 08 '14 at 03:13
  • I always thought this was particularly strange, especially when people say "Not gonna lie" or something along those lines. Like, what, are you some pathological liar but this one injustice is just too much to lie about? – sab669 Jul 08 '14 at 15:35
  • @Thomas - you're not secretly Jerry Seinfeld, are you? – Dirk v B Jul 09 '14 at 05:28
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    @Dirk The secret is finally out... – Thomas Jul 09 '14 at 09:12
  • In the KJV, Jesus is quoted as saying "Verily, verily..." – TecBrat Jul 09 '14 at 14:43
  • @Mitch To be insincere, I find your new formulation distasteful. I will have to steal it. – emory Jul 10 '14 at 01:28
  • Frankly, my dear, I think some people just don't give a damn. In my humble opinion, it's just as pointless as prefacing or concluding a statement with a phrase indicating that this is what you think, I tell you what. – livresque Jul 10 '14 at 05:51
  • To be honest I have absolutely no idea ;) –  Jul 10 '14 at 05:18
  • Is "awhile" used correctly in this question? – Golden Cuy Jul 10 '14 at 10:51

5 Answers5

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"To be honest" is an example of an adverbial disjunct, which indicates the speaker's attitude toward the sentence without affecting the meaning of the sentence. It is often used, consciously or otherwise, to preface a statement that the speaker believes is particularly candid in the present context, possibly to an extent that might cause mild offense.

It's a bit of a set phrase these days, and as is usually the case with set phrases, it's best not to parse it too closely in casual use.

phenry
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    +1 for candid. It's a softener for the blow that's just about to dealt. It used to be Frankly ... or I've got to be frank with you ... but that doesn't work well for some of us. :) – Frank Jul 07 '14 at 17:19
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    Note that some people may consider saying "to be honest" frequently to be a marker that the person speaking is not always honest. You may find this related Wall Street Journal article of interest: http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303802904579332751950927282 – LFurness Jul 07 '14 at 18:19
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    @Frank I got a chuckle out of that. :-) – TecBrat Jul 09 '14 at 14:44
  • Well said @Frank ;) – Shokhet Jul 09 '14 at 18:36
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    It can indicate a scenario where it may be socially acceptable to tell a white lie to avoid some kind of awkwardness ("How are you? Fine!" when the responder is actually feeling ill, for example) but the responder is indicating that they chose not to tell the socially acceptable lie, but instead speak the truth. – Bill Michell Jul 10 '14 at 09:00
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In addition to phenry's answer, these meaningless "to be honest" additions might also be considered a discourse marker: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discourse_marker

In linguistics, a discourse marker is a word or phrase that is relatively syntax-independent and does not change the truth conditional meaning of the sentence, and has a somewhat empty meaning. Examples of discourse markers include the particles "oh", "well", "now", "then", "you know", and "I mean", and the connectives "so", "because", "and", "but", and "or".

Common discourse markers used in the English language include "you know", "actually", "basically", "like", "I mean", "okay" and "so".

Kevin Workman
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    Pragmatic markers include various subsets. 'To be honest' falls neatly in the veridical (commenting on the truthfulness of the statement to which it is appended) subclass. However, as Janus is the first to say, it often paraphrases 'actually' as a mere focus marker. – Edwin Ashworth Jul 07 '14 at 23:27
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    To be hyperbolic, I find it appalling that connectives are considered to have "somewhat empty meaning." There is a vast chasm between "but" and "because." – Charles Staats Jul 08 '14 at 15:42
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    @Charles Staats Watch the average member of the public put on the spot for a TV interview and you'll realise just how meaningless these terms can be in typical usage. But, at the end of the day, that's basically what happens when, you know, you aren't prepared. I mean, not everyone is, like, a skilled orator. – DeveloperInDevelopment Jul 09 '14 at 01:03
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In many cases, claims of veracity are used by liars to discourage the listener from considering the possibility that what follows may be untrue. In the spaghetti example, though, I believe the intended meaning of the disclaimer is probably closer to "I am aware that proper decorum would imply that a guest should always be appreciative of the food offered by the host, but would nonetheless like you to know that I cannot receive from your spaghetti a level of enjoyment commensurate with the effort you spend preparing it." Basically, the purpose of the statement would be to avoid a situation where a host might mistake a guest's gracious acceptance of something as an indication that the guest would like the host to serve it in future.

supercat
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  • I think this is the best answer for the specific question being asked. In his specific example it's meant to take the edge off of what would otherwise be a rude answer. – JamieB Jul 09 '14 at 16:23
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    @JamieB: Given the subject [food, presumably prepared by one's host] I thought the manners aspect seemed like the most important aspect of the usage here, though none of the other answers mentioned it. In general, even if it were clear that something had to be done to prevent the host from offering spaghetti on all future visits, one should attempt to phrase things in a positive rather than negative way, e.g. "I was just remembering that wonderful chicken you used to prepare" or "I understand you have many delicious recipes, and would like to try some more of them". Sometimes, though... – supercat Jul 09 '14 at 16:37
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    ...no suitable form of expression may present itself, and the longer one prolongs the truth, the harder it will be to soften the sting. If the host prepares spaghetti for many visits in a row, each time will increase the inevitability of the host's discovering that the guest was feigning enjoyment, and increase the hurt that such discovery will inflict. Since such a situation really benefits nobody, even a ham-fisted effort at defusing it may be better than allowing it to persist. – supercat Jul 09 '14 at 16:44
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The subfield of linguistics called pragmatics deals with this kind of topic. It might be a sort of "hedging" to make what follows more polite—a semi-apology without changing its contents.

Micah Walter
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I personally use "to be honest" casually as in @Kevin's example, but I also personally use it to indicate "Alright, I usually will beat around the bush and try to be indirect, but not this time. This time, I'm going straight to the point".

Which, to be honest, is how I have always seen "to be honest" as. I mean, sure it implies that the speaker considered lying, but I see "honesty" between friends and/or acquaintances to be about being direct or indirect, with "direct" being "honest".

Because usually, when you try to be indirect, instead of saying you don't like spaghetti, you'll try to deflect it by saying "I'm full", which is lying/dishonest (unless you are indeed full)

Raestloz
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    I typically use it this way as well, when standalone. But when as a response to a question, I find that when I say it, it more often carries the meaning of "I had not considered that particular thing before (perhaps in prior answers, recently or otherwise), but now that I think about it..." – Miral Jul 09 '14 at 06:36
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    @Miral, I think I recognize this usage as well. It is simiar to "Actually, ..." – TecBrat Jul 09 '14 at 14:50