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What do you call someone who pretends to be your friend but is actually your enemy?

A friend suggested spy for me, but that does not nearly describe the word I need for an English project. The character is very good at manipulating how people see him. He's a good liar. And pretends to be your friend but actually is your enemy.

Hellion
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user87131
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    You call him a friend. You wont know who your real friends are until after you have been locked alone in a room together to starve to death. – emory Aug 03 '14 at 23:01
  • phony, slimy, two-faced ... – Jim Aug 03 '14 at 23:28
  • I do so wish one could use the ancient unfriend here, which dates from the 13th century. But an unfriend is really nothing other than an enemy. Sir Walter Scott wrote in 1814 “He is a very unquiet neighbour to his un-friends.” – tchrist Aug 04 '14 at 03:17
  • And JRR Tolkien in the 20th century wrote both “And these folk are hewers of trees and hunters of beasts; therefore we are their unfriends, and if they will not depart we shall afflict them in all ways that we can.” in The Silmarillion and “For Fëanor beheld the hair of Galadriel with wonder and delight. He begged three times for a tress, but Galadriel would not give him even one hair. These two kinsfolk, the greatest of the Eldar of Valinor, were unfriends for ever.” in Unfinished Tales. – tchrist Aug 04 '14 at 03:18
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    If your friend suggested spy, I don't think he's really your friend. I think he's a spy. – T. C. Aug 04 '14 at 13:40
  • Is "manipulator" considered a word? – John Odom Aug 04 '14 at 17:01
  • @JohnOdom Sure, why not? Everybody knows what it means. Admittedly, the term is somewhat new to English though, dating to only 1851 at least per the OED2, so that may be why you question it. The OED gives two primary senses for a manipulator; the first is for a manipulative person and the second is for a waldo — that is, for a tool to facilitate the remote manipulation of other objects, including radioactive ones as one specific subsense. The human version can be used disparagingly, and includes subsenses related to being manipulatory of various financial instruments. – tchrist Aug 05 '14 at 02:50
  • I like 'turncoat' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turncoat), although that implies a one-time permanent betrayal rather than something more long lived. – jammypeach Aug 05 '14 at 14:12
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    I'll leave "imposter" here, because it hasn't been mentioned yet. – Mr Lister Aug 05 '14 at 15:03
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    Per American teenager slang, 'frenemy' ;) – Bobo Aug 05 '14 at 15:24
  • 'Frenemy' can mean an ambiguous relationship, and if you're looking for the King's English, that word is not there just yet. :) I'm not sure there is a specific word for someone who pretends friendship but is, and always has been, truly an enemy in every sense. 'Traitor' or any variation on disloyalty tends to mean someone who actually was friendly, but then turns on you. – wilee Aug 05 '14 at 22:06
  • @wilee been there since 1950ish http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/frenemy, the king however ... – Jodrell Aug 06 '14 at 11:46
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    @Bobo: I think teenagers would refer to such a person as "bitch". I think the term is actually quite appropriate given the description of the person, but may not be considered appropriate for a term paper. I would certainly consider using the term for such a person in an informal essay or fictional narrative. – jxh Aug 06 '14 at 16:31
  • "Two-faced" is the first term that comes to mind, along with "double-dealing" and "backstabber". Probably the term you'd use would depend to some degree on your background and status. And, of course, there's a good chance that this person is a psychopath. – Hot Licks Aug 06 '14 at 17:02
  • I think this is a badly worded question, because it is ambiguous whether you are looking for a word that means "a person who pretends to be a friend but isn't", or whether you are looking for general invective that would be appropriate to apply to such a person. Many of the voted answers below are the latter, which I don't think is really what you were looking for? – GreenAsJade Aug 07 '14 at 10:00

17 Answers17

38

After you discover how he has turned on you, you might call him:

  • a false friend [not to be confused with the linguistic term of the same name]:
    not faithful or loyal : treacherous <a false friend> (m-w.com "false", def. 4a)
  • a traitor:
    one who betrays another's trust or is false to an obligation or duty (m-w.com def 1)
  • a backstabber:
    [one who engages in] betrayal (as by a verbal attack against one not present) especially by a false friend (m-w.com def. 1)
  • a double-crosser:
    to cheat or deceive (someone) especially by doing something that is different from what you said you would do (m-w.com def. 1)
  • a two-timer:
    1: a double-crosser
    2: one who betrays (a spouse or lover) by secret lovemaking with another (m-w.com)

  • disloyal:
    failing to support or be true to someone or something : not loyal or faithful to your friends, family, country, etc. (m-w.com)

  • perfidious:
    not able to be trusted : showing that someone cannot be trusted : characterized by perfidy (the act of betraying someone or something : the state of not being loyal) (m-w.com)

Hellion
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    Your last selection is most excellent, sir! – tchrist Aug 04 '14 at 02:34
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    Good selection, but in my experience (might be a UK thing) "two-timer" is more associated with somebody in a relationship who is having an affair. I've never heard it used except for "two-timing" (cheating) in a relationship. – user56reinstatemonica8 Aug 04 '14 at 12:30
  • What about enemy agent, secret agent, double agent, turncoat, defector and mole - all subtle differences depending on how and when the 'enemy' nature is revealed. – Jasmine Aug 04 '14 at 20:19
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    @Jasmine, those are all good words, but they fall under the spy category that the OP explicitly rejected, presumably because of the connotation of working for an opposing organization. – Hellion Aug 04 '14 at 20:22
  • I am assuming the friend suggested spy because that's the genre we're in. I made it into an answer. – Jasmine Aug 04 '14 at 20:33
  • All of those suggest the person is actually your friend. A spy (I know, he's not a spy) isn't disloyal to the person (s)he is spying on. – Rob Grant Aug 05 '14 at 09:07
  • You should cite a dictionary definition of these words, explain why you think they fit the given context, and what the differences are between them. – Kit Z. Fox Aug 05 '14 at 17:08
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There are lots of possible answers here.

This is quite a common social dynamic, so a lot of words have been discovered to be relevant.

Frenemy is a portmanteau that exactly describes this situation.

frenemy noun - one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy [Merriam-Webster]

Personally though, I think this a rather cringey word, I'd much sooner use some of the other suggestions.

dwjohnston
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    Frenemy being significantly different from the similarly derived and almost identical (in speech, anyway) friendemy, which is a friend that you're always arguing with and falling out with. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Aug 03 '14 at 23:36
  • @JanusBahsJacquet I’ve never understood why such ugly portmanteaux as those needed coining given that an unfriend has always been available in English. – tchrist Aug 04 '14 at 03:41
  • @tchrist I would challenge the notion that any word has 'always been available', but I can't even find this one's etymology. The only results I can find deal with social networking. – Sean Allred Aug 04 '14 at 04:33
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    @SeanAllred OED: “unfriend, sb. (and a.) Etymology: ME. unfreond, -frend, = WFris. on-, ûnfrjeon, MDutch onvrient (Dutch -vriend), MLG. unvrund, MHG. unvriunt (G. unfreund). 1. One who is not a friend or on friendly terms; an enemy. In early use chiefly Sc. (sometimes in predicate without article), and in the 19th cent. app. revived by Scott. § ~1275 Lay. 5632 ― We sollen··slean houre onfrendes and wenden after Brenne. § ~1275 Lay. 17612 ― Wend to oure onfreondes and drif heom of londe. § 1425 Wyntoun Cron. viii. xxvi. 3890 ― For he doutit þe gret mycht Off his vnfreyndis, and þare slycht.”&c – tchrist Aug 04 '14 at 05:36
  • @SeanAllred Your challenge fails: the noun unfriend has been around for over seven centuries as the OED proves with its Middle English citations. See also my comments to the OP that illustrate 19th and 20th century uses that pathetically antedate “social networking” sillinesseses. There are other citations between those, too. – tchrist Aug 04 '14 at 05:41
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    @tchrist An unfriend is not nearly the same as a friendemy or a frenemy, though—it's closer to just plain enemy. – Janus Bahs Jacquet Aug 04 '14 at 08:33
  • Why would anyone ever use "unfriend"? It sounds like something straight out of Newspeak. (Not that I have some deep hatred of newspeak: there are some newspeak phrases that lend themselves to comedic and ironic usage, but not all of them :) ) – rschwieb Aug 04 '14 at 13:20
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    I've seen "frenemy" used more to convey people who are enemies but are comfortable enough with their relationship that they seem to exhibit some characteristics of friendship. – Michael Aug 04 '14 at 18:28
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    What would a "frenemy with benefits" be? People who sleep together for the purpose of passing on STDs? – emory Aug 05 '14 at 01:14
  • @JanusBahsJacquet I’d say an *unfriend* {c,w,sh}ould be someone you weren’t on “friendly” terms with, one whom you considered “unfriendly”. That’s not (quite) the same as an enemy, whom I think of as someone whose will is specifically bent (up)on your downfall. Yet if you chase down inimical, you find definitions like the OED’s “Having the disposition or temper of an enemy; unfriendly, hostile” —which puts those all on pretty much the same footing. Still, there is no element of deception with unfriend, so it isn’t a suitable answer to the OP, appealing though it may otherwise be. – tchrist Aug 05 '14 at 02:40
  • Please refer to the 1997 classic Arsonists - Frienemies from the album As The World Burns: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byWG9HVwOQk – Mark Boulder Aug 05 '14 at 07:04
22

There’s also a wolf in sheep’s clothing, which is a person who seems friendly but in truth is hostile.

tchrist
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SrJoven
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From your description, your friend is two-faced (duplicitous). He may also be more generally hypocritical.

Drew
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If the cultural reference is appropriate to you and your audience, he's a Judas (after Judas Isciarot, who betrayed Jesus to the Romans).

Ulrich Schwarz
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  • I don't know if this is coincidence or not, but I've only ever seen this in cases where money or a reward was involved. – corsiKa Aug 05 '14 at 18:13
  • @corsiKa That might be cultural. Where I'm from "Judas" is mostly used in the general sense, without the Biblical connotation "betrayal because of money/reward". (Most people around here are not that religious anymore.) – Tonny Aug 05 '14 at 22:10
7

The general answer is traitor or backstabber, but other answers are also possible, depending on factors such as the order of when they become your friend or enemy and the severity of the treachery.

If they were an enemy from the very beginning but approached you as a friend, working for someone else all along, they’d be a spy.

If they did not see you as an enemy but merely saw you as an asset, they’d be a two-timer.

But if all else fails, you can always resort to the good old d’bag or a’hole.

Raestloz
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Double-dealing - the practice of working to people's disadvantage behind their backs

Used as an adjective: "he is a backstabbing, double-dealing twister"

ejegg
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In the US, he might be called a Benedict Arnold.

Michael Lorton
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While not necessarily an enemy or even a bad person, a sociopath can fit the bill when it comes to manipulation, lying, and lacking moral fiber.

If betrayal is the most important point to get across, then turncoat comes to mind, though it doesn't imply premeditation. Viper is often used to describe someone who hides their intentions and lies in wait until the ideal moment to strike.

Check out the answers to this question: Metaphors similar to "Trojan Horse", many of them seem to fit your requirements.

Community
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talrnu
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  • Sociopath is definitely the word that comes to mind when someone is good at manipulating people when really they have malicious intentions. – YonkeyDonk64 Aug 05 '14 at 18:40
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Or, if you want to get Shakespearian, you could call him an Iago (although that might be bit obscure for some).

In the play Othello, Iago is Othello’s trusted advisor, who is plotting to see Othello destroyed.

tchrist
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WhatRoughBeast
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Brutus
Someone who is a Brutus is a very good friend who gives you the screw job.
This is derived from Julius Caesar's best friend. His best friend Brutus was the last person to stab the dictator Julius Caesar's last words were "Et Tu, Brute?" which means "You too Brutus?"

Source website

Rohith
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Machiavellian

While Niccolò Machiavelli has got some bad press, his name is used to describe a person who is

  • Cunning, scheming, and unscrupulous ... Oxford

  • ... characterized by expediency, deceit, and cunning. Yahoo

  • ... cunning, amoral, and opportunist ... Collins

Such a person is nobody's friend. At best they treat you as a means to an end, or an ally of convenience.

1

For a spy story, these are the words that came to my mind

enemy agent - typically you would use this for a known enemy.

secret agent - secret agents you just don't know about - who they work for is a secret.

double agent - this one is usually used when the agent is spying for both sides at the same time. It's most typically applied when someone has been "turned" away from the side they originally worked, and is now secretly working for the other side, while pretending everything is still normal and they are still working for you. This is a very common term in spy stories and will be easily understood by readers

turncoat - typically used for someone who visibly switches sides.

defector - typically used for someone who officially changes sides, declaring their intent in some official manner such as gaining citizenship in the enemy country.

mole - someone working inside your agency, pretending to work for you, but secretly working for the other side. Same as a double agent, but "mole" is used for more drama - there's an insidious factor about a mole, that doesn't exist with a double agent. This would be a good one - it's used a ton on American TV and I've seen it used in the British series "MI-6" as well. This one is so well known, there was a whole game show called "The Mole" where a group of people had to figure out who was secretly working against them.

Jasmine
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Sounds like you're thinking of a

Snake in the grass

One who feigns friendship with the intent to deceive.

from The Free Dictionary

Bamboo
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The word mouth-friend is one possible answer.

tchrist
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Maja
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Here are some adjectives you may find useful:

  • Deceitful; guilty of or involving deceit; deceiving or misleading others.

  • Mendacious; not telling the truth; lying.

  • Perfidious; deceitful and untrustworthy.

  • Sly; having or showing a cunning and deceitful nature.

  • Surreptitious; kept secret, especially because it would not be approved of.

  • Treacherous; guilty of or involving betrayal or deception.

  • Duplicitous; deceitful.

  • Underhand; acting or done in a secret or dishonest way.

  • Unscrupulous; having or showing no moral principles; not honest or fair.

I understand some of these are synonyms, but you may find one you especially like.

CrazyCatLady
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  • None of these words mean "A person who pretends to be your friend, but is really your enemy". They could apply to such a person, but they don't mean that.... – GreenAsJade Aug 07 '14 at 10:09
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Con artist or Confidence man / Link #2

Term is used in social engineering for person who excel in psychological manipulation. In general, modus operandi is - pretending to be friendly while having malicious goal(s)* Probably, the the most well known con artits is Kevin Mitnick

*just to be clear, it doesn't mean con artist is a "bad" person by default, e.g., security consultants

StupidOne
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