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We don’t call our cousins cousin Somebody the way we do with uncles and aunts; we just refer to them by their given name directly.

But sometimes we cannot use their name to address them, such as if they are older than we are, so then we refer to them as brothers or sisters.

One of my cousins, who is older than me, recently got married. What is the appropriate way to call his wife in this case? Calling her my cousin-in-law is little embarrassing to me, so I would like a word that does not embarrass me.

tchrist
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aniskhan001
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    This idea of not being able to use somebody's name if they are older is not a contemporary English custom. As is the idea of calling cousins brother or sister and not cousin (in 19th century English novels, I believe people were addressed as cousin, or it's shortened form cos, quite often). I don't know whether English has a word available for this purpose. – Peter Shor Sep 06 '14 at 13:34
  • Related: http://english.stackexchange.com/q/1605 http://english.stackexchange.com/q/51616 http://english.stackexchange.com/q/24434 http://english.stackexchange.com/q/29695 http://meta.english.stackexchange.com/q/4732 – tchrist Sep 06 '14 at 13:41
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    This question appears to be off-topic because it is about etiquette rather than English. – Tim Lymington Sep 06 '14 at 13:41
  • Well, I'm from a different language and that's what I describe here is like a tradition from long ago. @TimLymington, you can say it's about etiquette but I wanted to know, is there any English word that I can use? – aniskhan001 Sep 06 '14 at 13:44
  • I would say that in English, and there was some etiquette reason that you had to avoid names, you would call your cousins cousin or coz (the second being for people you're more familiar with), and your brothers and sisters bro and sis. You could call your cousin's wife or husband cousin as well. But since for some reason you want to using the word cousin, this doesn't work. – Peter Shor Sep 06 '14 at 13:48
  • @PeterShor Thanks for your suggestion. I was thinking about "sister-in-law". How does that sound? – aniskhan001 Sep 06 '14 at 13:53
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    aniskhan001, calling your cousin's wife a sister-in-law is contrary to fact and to ordinary English usage. It would confuse anyone who hears you call her so unless you've already explained to them the non-standard meaning you've assigned to the term. But in the explanation you may naturally find it difficult to avoid the phrase “cousin's wife”. Also, your cousin's wife may well object to being called your sister-in-law, and your sister-in-laws may object to your calling your cousin's wife a sister-in-law. By the way, what culture is "we" in the question? – James Waldby - jwpat7 Sep 06 '14 at 14:12
  • @jwpat7, I'm from South Asia, more specifically from Bangladesh. – aniskhan001 Sep 06 '14 at 14:21
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    If you and your interlocutor are using English as a second language in a particular cultural setting, then check with what others in that setting use in that context. As others here have said, none of what you ask about using is correct or usual English practice, as far as native English speaking and Western culture are concerned. But perhaps it is useful in your particular setting. That would be hard for someone unfamiliar with your setting to know or help with. Consider asking at English Language Learners. – Drew Sep 06 '14 at 14:36
  • @Drew, thanks for your suggestion. Since I have already asked the question here how can I migrate it to ELL? Can you help me out? – aniskhan001 Sep 06 '14 at 14:55
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    Your cousin's wife is your cousin's wife. It's the least ambiguous term because it indicates she's not the one related to you by way of being a child of your parent's sibling. This is my cousin, John, and his wife, Mary. – SrJoven Sep 06 '14 at 16:23
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    South Asian cultures have a bewildering variety of names and nicknames for every conceivable relative. In some Indian families, people use the Hindi words for relatives, even when speaking English. This is probably the simplest solution. – Peter Shor Sep 06 '14 at 16:43
  • @PeterShor Agreed. This is probably the best answer, although it does not address honorifics used in direct address. – tchrist Sep 06 '14 at 17:24
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    If you call your cousins your brothers and sisters, than you are not speaking English because that is not what those words mean in English. You are making an error by calquing your language’s words into English. It is perfectly normal that corresponding terms in one language do not correspond to like terms in another. You just have to accept that this is really a cultural issue, not one of language. Your situational embarrassment is not something that people native to an English-language culture are ever going to be able to identify with, nor perhaps even understand. – tchrist Sep 06 '14 at 19:34
  • Migration is an option when a question is closed, AFAIK (it is closed on the current site and moved to another). But this question seems to be in the process of being closed for other reasons. To migrate a question you need to have the privilege of closing a question, AFAIK. Someone else might know more about this. – Drew Sep 07 '14 at 14:37
  • possible duplicate of Paucity of words for relationships – choster Sep 07 '14 at 17:46

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If your cousin's name was John Smith, you would call his wife Mrs. Smith.

Gary's Student
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  • I wonder whether the OP is from a culture where a cousin Bob who is of a generation older than one’s own (like for example one’s first or second cousin *once removed) is addressed not as Bob* but as *Uncle Bob* as a form of respect. That particular practice is not long gone from the English-speaking world, and may still exist here and there in isolated pockets. – tchrist Sep 06 '14 at 15:40
  • @tchrist You may be correct. In most English-speaking regions, using the honorific Mrs. would be considered correct and respectful. This would not be the case if you referred to her using the first name of his ex-wife. – Gary's Student Sep 06 '14 at 15:46
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    The problem with Mrs. Smith is that when attending a Smith family gathering, there are likely to be several Mrs. Smiths, and perhaps even a multitude of them. :) It is also rather distancing to use Mrs. for a family member, which is why we have familial honorifics replacing general ones for family. Grandma Jones would never be just Mrs. Jones to a family member. It could even risk being interpreted as a sign not of respect but of disrespect, since it effaces the family relationship. – tchrist Sep 06 '14 at 15:53
  • @tchrist Once again you may be correct. It may be a difference in cultures. If I met the woman for the first time and she was older than me, I would use Mrs. Normally she would immediately respond: Please call me Mary. I would then feel comfortable using her first name. – Gary's Student Sep 06 '14 at 16:01