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There is a single obscure word whose very definition is when one says "I'm sorry for saying this, but" or "I hate to tell you this, but", and then proceeds to do the very opposite and attacks or lambasts the person they're talking to. For the life of me I can't find it and I've searched high and low. Can someone please help me? Many thanks and cheers!

Dilly Tumly
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  • “it might be a good word, though” – Misti Jan 12 '15 at 18:12
  • Hugely related: I'm not a racist but... – Andrew Leach Jan 12 '15 at 18:16
  • Not a single word but there is non-apology apology. – ermanen Jan 12 '15 at 18:17
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    You could perhaps call it an *apologia* or *hedge*, but I don't really think there's going to be a dedicated word specifically for "falsely claimed regret". Though there is one for "falsely claiming one isn't going to mention something" - apophasis – FumbleFingers Jan 12 '15 at 18:24
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    @CopperKettle: *Sorry*, but I think that's not what's being asked. It seems to me s/he's asking for a grammar/rhetoric term describing the act of preceding some statement with a word or phrase meaning "[I'm] sorry", even though the speaker in fact relishes being able to deliver the sad news, rather than actually feeling regretful in any way. – FumbleFingers Jan 12 '15 at 18:35
  • @FumbleFingers Oh, I see. I misunderstood the question. " a single obscure word whose very definition is" seemed to me "some word uttered before giving a hard time to someone" – CowperKettle Jan 12 '15 at 18:40
  • @CopperKettle: Well, Andrew has flagged up an earlier question which I think is effectively asking about the same thing. I assume he's leaving us to decide whether we think it's just "hugely related", or an actual duplicate (that's my opinion, so I'm now closevoting). – FumbleFingers Jan 12 '15 at 18:45
  • (apparently I have the "superpower" to unilaterally close SWR questions as duplicates, so there you go! :) – FumbleFingers Jan 12 '15 at 18:47
  • @FumbleFingers So is this now unmarked as a duplicate? I did, in fact, search for quite a while before posting it and I am looking for a single word that I know exists (but that I can't find!) and I'm reaching out to everyone here to see if someone knows it and can help me out. Many thanks! – Dilly Tumly Jan 12 '15 at 19:49
  • @AndrewLeach the last part of that original question is an example of the mechanism, but in no way did that question address or even come close to answering what I'm asking, which is for the single word that defines that mechanism. That's a good find, though! Thanks! – Dilly Tumly Jan 12 '15 at 19:52
  • @Dilly: I cast my closevote in good faith (I believe this is a duplicate). If 5 other users with enough rep to vote for re-opening (or one real moderator) disagree with my position, they can "unmark it as a duplicate". I would just say that if you agree the earlier question "is an example of the mechanism", I don't see how this can be anything other than a duplicate. The fact that no-one has supplied the word you seek probably suggests there is no such word, but asking what's effectively the same question isn't thereby justified. – FumbleFingers Jan 12 '15 at 20:07
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    @FumbleFingers Actually, I literally just found the word. It's parrhesia. It's a device of rhetoric and most online dictionaries simply define it as "boldness of speech", which is ONE of the definitions. It also has a specialized meaning of "warning of potential offense, and asking pardon in advance". Other examples are "with all due respect", "forgive me, but", "with respect", etc. – Dilly Tumly Jan 12 '15 at 20:18
  • I'd also suggest that the other question that was asked didn't shown up on my radar when searching for answers for this one as the example in the title is not a great example of parrhesia and was not generic enough to be picked up in the search. I would posit that my question is a better question and example of the device/mechanism. So, should I answer it here, there, both? I think both, for the reasons given above. Also, I specifically asked for a single word (and tagged it as such) and the other post makes NO such restrictions in the title or in the description. – Dilly Tumly Jan 12 '15 at 20:24
  • @DillyTumly You can't answer here, because this question is closed. But you can answer on the nominated duplicate, and should. While you might only get a few upvotes on the answer, this question points to that one. – Andrew Leach Jan 12 '15 at 20:45
  • @FumbleFingers Read 'dup' question in entirety and not at all the same. Appears 2 b on first glance. They're asking for description of question where asker IS looking for forgiveness for whatever offensive thing they're going to say next. Also, the 3rd example I referenced is not in same category as the first 2. I'm looking for the exact opposite. It's subtle, but VERY different. Also, that question is closed to me answering it as this is the first question I've ever asked. So, now I can't answer my own question and I can't answer the supposed duplicate. Not a great 1st experience here. – Dilly Tumly Jan 12 '15 at 20:46
  • @AndrewLeach I don't have enough rep to answer it and please see my last comment to FumbleFingers. They're not the same questions in essence at all. Almost the opposite, actually. I had to read the entire thread to know for sure. I mistakenly said it was an example of my device, but only the 3rd example was. It is mistakenly put with the other two and the OP shouldn't have included it. – Dilly Tumly Jan 12 '15 at 20:50
  • @Dilly: Okay, I've voted to reopen (by a quirk of how rep works here, it still needs 4 other users or one mod to complete the process). I didn't know parrhesia before, but I quite agree it fits your question, and there's no way that word (let alone the specific sub-definition) would appear anywhere on what I cited as the "original". Please accept my unreserved apology for an unjustifiably high-handed closevote. Andrew was right to say the other question is "highly related", but that's as far as it goes. – FumbleFingers Jan 13 '15 at 12:59
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    I see comments referring to a duplicate question, but since the question itself no longer carries that marker, I don't know which specific question people thought this one duplicates. That said, to me, the question is quite reminiscent of What is it called when someone says something like: “I'm not a racist, but…”. – Dan Bron Jan 14 '15 at 11:58
  • @FumbleFingers No apology necessary. I was both frustrated and elated that I finally found what I was looking for and couldn't share an actual answer! I first encountered parrhesia when reading one of my all-time favorite books: 2000 Most Challenging and Obscure Words by Norman W. Schur. I highly recommend it to any English language enthusiast. It's not the kind of book one goes to find a word, however, and finding just the one word out of 2000 was not a pursuit I could afford to devote my time to. I'm happy to have remembered it after so long. Thanks for trying to re-open! – Dilly Tumly Jan 14 '15 at 15:43
  • @Dan: That is indeed the one Andrew called "hugely related" in the second comment under the question, and which I cited in my now-withdrawn closevote. I now think Dilly is quite correct that it's not a dup..... DILLY - it's quite in order for you to post an actual "Answer" to your own question. I for one will upvote if you do this citing parrhesia (note that ideally you should include a link to a definition from a credible online "authority"). – FumbleFingers Jan 14 '15 at 16:13

2 Answers2

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The word I was looking for was parrhesia.

Parrhesia is defined as boldness of speech. But it's a great word with another special meaning:

Quoting from 1000 Most Challenging Words, by Norman W. Schur (Galahad Books, 1987):

In oratorical rhetoric, i.e., the art of influencing an audience, parrhesia, in the words of William Safire (On Language, in The New York Times Magazine of October 21, 1984), "has a specialized meaning: 'warning of potential offense, and asking pardon in advance.'" The expression with all due respect (in Britain, they shorten it to with respect) is an example of parrhesia: What it really means is, "I haven't the slightest respect for you and certainly not for what you just said, and I'm going to show you up before this prestigious audience for the blithering idiot you are...!"

<p>The word comes from the Greek prefix <em>para-</em> (beside, beyond - as in, e.g., <em>parapsychology</em>) plus <em>rhesis</em> (speech).</p>

Other examples include "Forgive me, but...", "Pardon me, but...".

At least this gives the recipient of such a preface a short time to best prepare for the oratorical firestorm coming their way!

Dilly Tumly
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    Safire is of course a recongised authority on the English language, but I wish he's said that " . . . parrhesia has a specialized meaning: 'warning of potential offense, and asking pardon in advance." ["It is so specialised that it occurs in few if any dictionaries, will be misunderstood by 99+% of people encountering it unforewarned, and is best avoided in all but the most esoteric of writing."] – Edwin Ashworth Jan 14 '15 at 16:35
  • @EdwinAshworth I agree completely! While I was wishing to find the word that I knew existed but that I had mis-remembered, I have not suggested that its usage is recommended! I was just hoping against hope that someone here would help me to bring it back to the forefront of my memory and, in a circuitous way, it did just that. Cheers! – Dilly Tumly Jan 14 '15 at 16:55
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The only word that I can think of for that is a hypocrite

Check out this link

There are a number of synonyms

here

Hope this helps.

Treasa
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