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The more they sing, their burden lightens and their love deepens

As you can see, the first clause applied "the more" structure, but the second one didn't. Is it acceptable and grammatically correct to write a sentence like this? Thank.

deadrat
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Sour Tofu
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  • You can make it The more they sing, their burden lightens and love deepens. Avoid using their multiple times in the same sentence. – MusicLovingIndianGirl Dec 21 '15 at 08:48
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    @MusicLovingIndianGirl Why? Absent the second their, "love deepens" seems to me to be a generic unmoored from their lessening burden. In any case, the question is whether this must be phrased "The more they sing, the more their burden lightens...." – deadrat Dec 21 '15 at 08:51
  • Have you checked for this usage on the internet? On Google Ngrams? My feeling is that this is close to the 'reject' end of the acceptability scale (which is a more sensible concept to apply than grammaticality alone). – Edwin Ashworth Dec 21 '15 at 12:37
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    @SourTofu - No, it makes no sense. You need to have "the more" or "the less" after the comma. I'd make this into an answer but I have absolutely no "theory" to back it up, but the quoted phrase just sounds wrong to me. – AndyT Dec 21 '15 at 17:08
  • @deadrat : I think I will add "the more" in the second clause like this: The more they sing, the more their burden lightens and their love deepens – Sour Tofu Dec 22 '15 at 04:32
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    I think that's the right choice. "The more ... the more" is an idiomatic expression of proportional comparison, and your readers will expect the more in the second clause once they hear the first more. – deadrat Dec 22 '15 at 04:42
  • I think that the reason the quoted sentence sounds "almost" right is that it's a combination of "The more they sing, the more their burden..." and "As they sing, their burden..." But as written it sounds, while intelligible, only passably grammatical. – Nonnal Dec 22 '15 at 21:27

1 Answers1

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It seems like there's another implied the more... before the second clause

The more they sing, [the more] their burden lightens and their love deepens.

This answer explains the syntax of these expressions.

However, I've never heard of omitting one of the mores in such an expression. If you don't want to use that format, you could say:

As they sing, their burden lightens and their love deepens.

Community
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rootmeanclaire
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