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Which one is more appropriate - "If you don't mind me asking" or "If you don't mind my asking"?

I always thought that it was "If you don't mind me asking", but I recently heard "If you don't mind my asking" (more precisely, whilst watching True Detective, I heard "If you don't mind me asking" but the subtitles read "If you don't mind my asking").

Now, the latter makes sense if "asking" is referred to as a noun, but it sounds a little twisted.

Which one is the right one?

Thanks

barak manos
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    Both are fine - one excuses the person, the other excuses the question. – Lawrence Feb 21 '16 at 11:15
  • @Lawrence: Do you mean that in the first one I am asking the other person to excuse me for asking a question, and in the second one I am asking the other person to excuse me for the specific contents of the question? – barak manos Feb 21 '16 at 11:20
  • I believe there is no difference in meaning, if only in register. – Armen Ծիրունյան Feb 21 '16 at 11:24
  • @barakmanos For the first, yes. For the second, you're asking that the interruption be excused (i.e. something along the lines of sorry for the inconvenience of having to listen to my question). – Lawrence Feb 21 '16 at 11:59
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    This is a good question... Not only have I heard both, I've used both - probably without realizing it. Since my mom is from New England and my dad is from New York, when I notice these oddities in my own speech, I chalk it up to "regional differences". (US) – Oldbag Feb 21 '16 at 12:01
  • They have the same meaning; the difference is one of style, with genitive "my" being formal and the more widely used "me" being informal. – BillJ Feb 21 '16 at 12:32
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    Related question, What is the correct form of a gerund?. It would be very helpful for you to read the second link in the first answer of the linked question. –  Feb 21 '16 at 12:58

1 Answers1

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You may say either one, though the meaning would slightly differ.

  • "Me asking" is more protocolar with deference for your interlocutor ; it's the usual version.
  • "My asking" - which is also OK - is just excusing your question, not your person expressing it. (I guess we would not use it before a king, even if we don't care of royalty as in the White House & Senate we hear "excuse my asking" in comittee or from the press. In Courts, the bench often shoots "my asking".)
DAVE
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