With which noun should a verb following "(person) or I" agree?

Question

In the sentence below, should the bolded word be prepare or prepares?

When my family eats at home, my mom or I prepares the meal.

Normally, I would side with the verb agreeing with its corresponding noun in the sentence. However, since this is an exclusive or, where it's either my mom or I doing the preparation, that means that it would be my mom prepares or I prepare.

I'd like to avoid writing it like the sentence below, as it just sounds a bit awkward.

When my family eats at home, one of either my mom or me prepares the meal.

I was unable to find any existing questions that covered my scenario exactly. Most deal with (person) and I or the order of the two verbs in the sentence.

How can I write this using the my mom or I syntax?

@sumelic Good point. Crafted a better title and nuked the [tenses] tag. — Cat, Dec 01 '16 at 23:07
@sumelic No problem, thank you! I'm not familiar with the tagging on this site. :) — Cat, Dec 01 '16 at 23:09
I think the following questions are related and might be helpful: Controversy over verb choice in “neither you nor I {is/am/are} in control”, Which of several or’d-together subjects should the verb agree with? — herisson, Dec 01 '16 at 23:10
@sumelic Those are indeed helpful and I believe the first one actually answers it: "the one closest to the verb controls the agreement", which would make prepare correct. (This seems to agree with Grammar Book.) Feel free to propose an answer or mark as a duplicate. — Cat, Dec 01 '16 at 23:18
You go with which pronoun is closer to the verb, so in this case my mom or I prepare the meal. Cf Quirk et al. — Alan Carmack, Dec 01 '16 at 23:38

score 2 · Answer 1 · answered Dec 02 '16 at 03:45

2

The bolded word should be prepare.

When my family eats at home, my mom or I prepare the meal.

The rule is: If a compound subject contains or or nor, the verb should agree with the part of the subject that is nearer the verb.

answered Dec 02 '16 at 03:45

andi

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Can you cite a reference that supports this rule? – herisson Dec 02 '16 at 09:52
There are many grammar references out there; here's one: http://www.grammarbook.com/grammar/subjectVerbAgree.asp – andi Dec 03 '16 at 18:58
I think it might be useful to give a caveat, as that source does: "This rule can lead to bumps in the road. For example, if I is one of two (or more) subjects, it could lead to this odd sentence: Awkward: Neither she, my friends, nor I am going to the festival. If possible, it's best to reword such grammatically correct but awkward sentences." – herisson Dec 03 '16 at 19:00
eh, I don't think that sentence is so awkward, depending on where it's used. But I didn't want to get into personal preference and style here; I just wanted to give the actual rule. – andi Dec 03 '16 at 19:02

score -1 · Answer 2 · answered Dec 01 '16 at 23:00

-1

Interesting. I think I would get round it by writing "my mom prepares the meal or I do".

answered Dec 01 '16 at 23:00

SJR

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score -3 · Answer 3 · answered Dec 01 '16 at 23:07

-3

"When my family eats at home, either my mom or I prepares the meal." The prepare is correct, add either instead.

answered Dec 01 '16 at 23:07

DdTnT

13

3

But then you have "I prepares," which looks like an incorrect verb agreement with "I". – herisson Dec 01 '16 at 23:11
Instead of 'I prepares', it should look like 'either my mom or I" and 'prepares the meal' – DdTnT Dec 01 '16 at 23:23

With which noun should a verb following "(person) or I" agree?

3 Answers3