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If someone asks me the question

Do you want to come to my house?

If I say yes- I'm accepting their offer. If I say no- I'm declining their offer... simple.

If someone instead asks

Do you not want to come to my house?

It feels weird to answer.

If I say yes- I could be agreeing with them "Yes, I do not want to come to your house", But it also makes sense to say "No, I do not want to come to your house."...

Can this kind of question simply not be answered in a "yes" or "no" without ambiguity?

A: "I'm tired today..."
B: "Do you not want to play football then?"
A: "Yes" and "No" Have the same meaning!

Laurel
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Shaun Wild
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3 Answers3

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Don't give a yes/no answer. Make a declaration; say I would like to come to your house or I am unable to come to your house at this time to avoid ambiguity and hard feelings.

Davo
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Yes! :)

This kind of question simply cannot be answered in a "yes" or "no" without ambiguity.

In normal conversation, tone of voice or context would make up for some of the ambiguity, but not remove it altogether.

The unambiguous answers to "Do you not want to come to my house?" would be

I do.

or

I don't.

Or some supporting information:

Yes, I'd love to.

No, I'd like that.

No, I've got other things to do.

Yes, I've got to get to my own home.

This is closely related to double-negative "I ain't got no money", and my sense is that the strictly non-logical response feels most natural (i.e. "Yes" means "I do want to come to your house"), while still requiring clarification to be absolutely sure.

Community
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slim
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    So you think "Don't you have any bananas? Yes, we have no bananas." is acceptable? Because we don't say that in the U.S. (Except when we're singing.) – Peter Shor May 23 '17 at 14:24
  • It is at least allowable (hence the song). – slim May 23 '17 at 14:31
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    Have you ever listened to the lyrics of the song? The people are making fun of the Greek fruit store owner who says "yes, we have no bananas." The whole point of the song is that it's *not* acceptable. – Peter Shor May 23 '17 at 14:32
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When asked a question that could be confusing, answer in a complete sentence that stands on it's own.

Try to understand the question as meaning "can you tell me about what you did?" instead of either "did you?" or "didn't you".

I do not believe that people asking questions in this way are hoping for either a "yes or no" answer.. I believe they would appreciate more information about what you did or what you were thinking.

"Did you not go to the store?" A "yes" or a "no" would be a slightly anti-social answer on top of the ambiguity. A polite answer could be "I did go to the store an hour ago and picked up some strawberries and the milk you mentioned we needed."

"Don't you want to come to my house?" To a large degree, they are asking "why" you do or don't want to come to their house, not merely "if". "I'd like to but maybe next time, I need prepare for an early meeting tomorrow."

Why not simply ask "why"? Because asking "didn't you?" gives the person answering the possibility of deferring more vaguely without forcing them into a more complicated explanation than might be needed, depending on what their unknown answer will be. It let's the other person say "I'm sorry, I can't today" without explaining themselves while still expressing an invitation to share if a person wanted.

There is no ambiguity or trouble if you answer in a sentence that stands on it's own without a "yes" or "no" you will not come across as flippant or be misunderstood.

Tom22
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