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A "Chinese fire drill" is an activity that involves a lot of bustle and chaos but achieves nothing. This term could be considered insulting due to its association of Chinese people with unproductive activity. Is there an alternative term without the racial connotations?

Edit: This was mistakenly flagged as a duplicate of this question, asking about a Japanese proverbial reference to one of Aesop's fables: "The mountains labored and brought forth a mouse". The expression refers to "speech acts which promise much but deliver little".(1) In this case the emphasis is on the chaotic execution of a pointless exercise, not on the difference between promises and results.

augurar
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  • "chaotic nonproductive activity" comes to mind, but it certainly doesn't roll off the tongue... – Jeff Zeitlin Jan 11 '18 at 20:27
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    "hamster on a treadmill"? I don't think it will offend any hamsters. – Cascabel_StandWithUkraine_ Jan 11 '18 at 20:32
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    'Much ado about nothing', 'federal case' and 'storm in a teacup' are in the same ball-park, but I don't find them worthy of an 'answer'. – Edwin Ashworth Jan 11 '18 at 20:39
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    Possible duplicate of Are there popular English sayings to express “Big fuss, tiny result”? – Edwin Ashworth Jan 11 '18 at 20:41
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    I suppose Trevanian's "all the coordination of a joint Arab/Italian invasion." doesn't really solve the problem. – Phil Sweet Jan 11 '18 at 20:47
  • @EdwinAshworth Nope, see edit. – augurar Jan 11 '18 at 21:26
  • You need to explain any significant difference between '[an English expression for] an activity that involves a lot of bustle and chaos but achieves nothing' and '[an English expression for an activity involving] big fuss, tiny result'. The title question (repeated in the body text) in the duplicate is the controlling factor. – Edwin Ashworth Jan 11 '18 at 22:18
  • I think "fiasco" or possibly "farce" would work. I could write those answers up, however I'm always wary about using a slang informal application of a word, where the actual meaning is something different. Calling a big waste of time something that means more formally a disastrous failure might be commonly done, but could be misunderstood. – Tom22 Jan 11 '18 at 22:20
  • "fiasco" would apply if a huge amount of intense investment of effort fell apart with great indignity. "farce" would be more if the person ordering the bustle pretty much knew going in that it was all for show. – Tom22 Jan 11 '18 at 22:26
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    I will note that the term is often applied to the point, in a parade or such, where a "clown car" stops and it's astounding number of occupants exit, run around, and then re-enter in a different order. There may be another term commonly applied to this. – Hot Licks Jan 11 '18 at 22:34
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    "What a circus that was" is a dismissive way to describe an unproductive event with a lot of noise and chaos – Tom22 Jan 11 '18 at 22:34
  • Just a small correction. The saying you quote does not come from Aesop’s Fables. It is an English language quotation from the Roman poet, Horace, in his didactic poem ‘Ars Poetica’ (The Art of Poetry). “Parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.”. His witty bathos sends up pretentiously grandiose beginnings, which end in a damp squib. The tense is future. “THE MOUNTAINS WILL GO INTO LABOUR: THERE WILL BE BORNE A silly little mouse.” – Tuffy Jan 11 '18 at 22:37
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    @Tuffy I believe Horace was referring to the same fable (see the linked Wikipedia article) – augurar Jan 12 '18 at 01:29
  • @augurar Thank you for this. I had completely missed this debt of Horace to Aesop. – Tuffy Jan 12 '18 at 13:18
  • @EdwinAshworth From the title it sounds the same, but reading the text of the other question it's clearly asking about a different meaning, as noted in my edit. – augurar Jan 14 '18 at 10:16
  • I'm just going to say it, the question starts with the offensive term and seeks to remove the offense, but using the definition as a starting point adds to the offense. – Yosef Baskin Apr 19 '22 at 13:48

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The executive fire drill is familiar to most people in the American business world.

As an example, the executive team at one of my clients subscribes to a variety of market research reports. These monthly and quarterly reports are really impressive -- huge 3-ring binders that contain sales data that's been sliced and diced better than a pastrami at a kosher deli. The problem is that management hasn't defined standard metrics, so if they dig long enough, they can find anything they want in the data. Consequently, every few months there's a full-scale executive fire drill when someone on the team finds a bit of data that seems to indicate they're losing ground to a competitor. Panicked, the president will call the exec team, along with several members of marketing and sales, into the conference room for a 90 minute analysis and debate about how they should respond.

From the Markovitz Consulting website.

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    Perfect! I guess "fire drill" in general has become an idiomatic term for this type of situation. Wiktionary also suggests "goat rodeo" as a related term. – augurar Jan 14 '18 at 10:15
  • I first heard the term goat rodeo towards the end of the first Internet bubble. It was typically applied to an organization where the money was about to run out, and the managers were all looking for other jobs. So there was no actual management of the work. It's a great expression and I'm glad that it's still current :) –  Jan 15 '18 at 18:21
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"Clown car" would be my alternative. It's basically the image of clowns piling out of the car, running around, and piling back in. And no one likes clowns.

Tyrone Jackson
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    Hello, Tyrone. // Is this a recognised way to describe 'an activity that involves a lot of bustle and chaos but achieves nothing'? ELU looks at standard usages; creative metaphors belong on Writing.SE. – Edwin Ashworth Aug 18 '21 at 11:50
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    Merriam-Webster has a figurative sense of clown car that relates to something (e.g. a committee or management team) being overstuffed with people, not the running around part. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/clown%20car – Stuart F Aug 18 '21 at 14:11
  • Clown car has already been suggested in one of the comments below the question. While it is OK on this site to incorporate somebody else's comment into one's answer, one is generally expected to acknowledge that one is doing that. – jsw29 Aug 18 '21 at 15:48
  • @jsw29 Generally yes, however, to discourage answer in comments, I for one am okay with stealing ideas from comments into an answer. – NVZ Apr 19 '22 at 12:02
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  • inmates running the asylum might also be considered offensive in this age of awareness of and sensitivity to mental illness.
  • rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic refers to futile activity.
Scott - Слава Україні
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