keeping maiden name after marriage

Question

If a woman keeps her maiden name what is the proper way to address her?

Mrs, Ms, or Miss?

I have seen it done multiple ways, but am unsure what is the proper way.

Answer 1

It is proper to refer her as Ms Smith (for example) regardless of her martial status. Since the woman in question kept her maiden name, I would opt for this title or use the appropriate occupational title (e.g. Doctor Smith, Professor Smith, Major Smith, etc.)

Miss is a title for an unmarried woman, and is not acceptable.

Answer 2

Ask the lady how she wishes to be addressed.

Answer 3

In my experience "Miss" as an honorific is really on the outs. It is used to refer to young pre-adulthood girls primarily now. Generally, in my experience, single women prefer "Ms." FWIW, Wikipedia tends to agree with this view.

As a matter of fact, I think "Mrs." is on the outs too. This is much less so than with "Ms." but usually I'd use it only with women who I knew tended toward a more traditional view, or when used in a mixed context with her husband, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Jones."

However, that is my opinion and experience only. I am sure that this is very culturally dependent.

As a general rule, you can't go wrong with "Ms." I think in the specific context of your question, I'd say "Ms." is always correct, and "Miss" might be acceptable if old fashioned and possibly patronizing, and "Mrs." is probably wrong.

If the woman chooses to hyphenate, (Mary Smith-Jones) I think either "Ms." or "Mrs." would be acceptable, and "Miss" would be wrong. If her maiden name was first I'd go with "Mrs." if her maiden name was last, I'd go with "Ms."

One other brief thing: I think a period is optional after both Mrs. and Ms. but is incorrect after Miss. This doesn't make much etymological sense, but it does seem the common usage.

Answer 4

This is not so much an issue of proper English as it is a matter of modern etiquette. Putting Mrs in front of a surname indicates that the woman is or was married to the Mr by the same name. Putting Mrs in front of woman's maiden name makes it sound like she is married to her father. Many woman who keep their maiden names much prefer Ms. and will tell you if they prefer something else.

Answer 5

I was married 18 years ago and have lived in 3 countries since. I had never changed my surname to my husbands. I prefer to be addressed as:

Ms. (First Name) (Maiden Name) and Mr & Mrs. (Husband's First Name) (Married Name)

In Singapore however, married women who have chosen not to take on the surname of their husbands are assigned the official prefix of 'Madame (Mme)'. It is an option for legal forms and documents.

Answer 6

There's what etiquette purveyors say we should do and then what people actually do.

What people currently do in everyday speech is to avoid Mrs/Ms/Miss entirely (Mr also), and only use titles for doctors/professors/judges/mayors/presidents (hm what do military people expect when conversing with civilians?).

If (as a commenter pointed out) you need to address them without knowing the first name, then you do use a title and there is no question about whether they're married or not. You'd use the title 'Ms' followed by the last name of their choice.

I suppose it has been addressed already in etiquette manuals (which you should consult instead of here in order to answer 'what is proper?'). On formal invitations, consult the latest Miss Manners. Formally, I'd expect a problem since saying 'Mr. and Mrs. John X' (when the wife is named 'Jane Y' sounds antediluvian, but 'Mr. John X and Mrs Jane Y' sounds like they're not married.

But when talking to or referring to someone, it'd be perfectly proper to not use Mrs/Ms/Miss/Mr.

Answer 7

I'd suggest that Ms doesn't work at all as a form of address and is perhaps clumsy even in written English. If it's inappropriate to give either a married or unmarried title, then the name alone will have to stand. So Mary Jones will present a talk on teapots. Of course, that makes it awkward to use Mr. in the same context so: Mary Jones and Tom Smith will present...

It is usual for schoolchildren to address female teachers as Miss or Miss Jones, regardless of the teacher's marital status. (Albeit that some teachers allow less formality.) (Male teachers are addressed as Sir, which would be regarded as archaic in most other contexts.)