-1

I came across this sentence in a blog post:

"Write with so much passion and energy and enthusiasm they can’t stay asleep."

Shouldn't this be written as the following:

"Write with so much passion and energy and enthusiasm that they can’t stay asleep."

This sentence was written by one of the famous bloggers called Jon Morrow. Here's his blog: https://smartblogger.com/how-to-be-unforgettable/

Here's the complete paragraph:

When you sit down to write, don’t publish just another blog post. Don’t give your readers just another tip. Don’t tell just another cute story. Set their freaking hair on fire. Write with so much passion and energy and enthusiasm they can’t stay asleep. You want them to feel like somebody shocked them with a defibrillator.

MJP
  • 99
  • Uh, WHO writes this way? Your examples lack subjects. – Hot Licks Jul 17 '19 at 00:45
  • 1
    The sentence itself is strange in either form. If you are asleep, even something written with passion and energy will not prevent you from staying asleep. – Shoe Jul 17 '19 at 08:51
  • @HotLicks This was written by one of the famous bloggers. Here's his blog: https://smartblogger.com/how-to-be-unforgettable/ . He is a celebrity in blogosphere. I am trying to emulate his writing style. Is it advisable? – MJP Jul 17 '19 at 11:52
  • Ok, the sentence makes more sense in the context of the edit you have done. But are you asking specifically about the need for that in the sentence, or are you asking generally for writing advice. – Shoe Jul 17 '19 at 12:06
  • The original sentence is grammatical. – Lawrence Jul 17 '19 at 12:11
  • @Shoe I want to know is this sentence grammatically correct? Because I feel the sentence needs the word "that". – MJP Jul 17 '19 at 12:14

1 Answers1

-1

Your suggestion is fine.

"Write with so much passion and energy and enthusiasm that they can’t stay asleep."

This is acceptable, but with so many items in the list (making it plural), some clarity is lost in the sentence structure and following word choice. You could add one minor edit to keep everything: add the word 'such' between 'enthusiasm' and 'that'. The sentence becomes

"Write with so much passion and energy and enthusiasm such that they can’t stay asleep."

The addition will cater for the elongated list; if there was only one object then your suggestion would not need any editing.

NB - The sentences above will only make sense under the proviso they is in context and refers to a previous object; perhaps an aforementioned group of people.

Edit: I just came across this site to help people and burn time. If you have any issues with this answer, please let me know so I can improve!

liukn
  • 61
  • I actually upvoted this—based on the first sentence—then took it back again. But I won't downvote it either. However, everything from the third paragraph on is subjective and a matter of opinion. That makes for a poor answer on this site. If you're going to give a personal opinion, it's best to give multiple alternatives (and possibly say that one of them is yours, as well as saying it's only your opinion—and that other people might have other opinions). The way you've answered this makes it seem as if *such* should be there, which is not the case at all—and actually off topic. – Jason Bassford Jul 17 '19 at 02:44
  • “such that” doesn’t work well in this case. – Lawrence Jul 17 '19 at 12:10