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My grandmother is slowly teaching me aspects of proper grammar. Sadly, I sometimes question her judgment since we both live in the southern United States. However, I would like to clarify when is the correct way to use the words:

may or can.

May I open this door? or Can I open this door? I am under the impression one means capability, but some movies that use such words are contradicting what my grandmother is saying is incorrect grammar.

She stated, which I agree may is asking permission and can will be acknowledging if possible to do so, this is my own understanding. Is this a correct analysis?

KillingTime
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ABC
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    See definition (9) here. It allows for "making polite requests". I actually saw a kid piss his pants in class one day when the teacher got into a simple-minded argument about it, and he had an emergency. – Cascabel_StandWithUkraine_ May 09 '21 at 19:59
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    Your granny is doing you a favor by widening your language horizons. I was taught the may (permission) and can (ability) distinction at elementary school in the 1950s. If you said to the teacher 'Can I be excused?' she would reply 'You can but you may not'. Yes, I know everybody seems to say just 'can' these days, especially in the movies or on TV, but there are people who know the difference. It is always useful to have choices and knowledge of different levels of formality. Edit - unlike Cascabel's teacher, mine would then say 'go, but remember'. – Michael Harvey May 09 '21 at 20:08
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    This is one of the messiest ambiguities in English. – Hot Licks May 09 '21 at 20:43
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    Asking 'May I...' is never going to be misunderstood, is it? – Michael Harvey May 09 '21 at 20:50
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    Don't even get into the "mayn't I"... – Cascabel_StandWithUkraine_ May 09 '21 at 21:09
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    See this video explaining this point from Professor Geoffrey K. Pullum from the University of Edinburgh. This world famous professor of English grammar explains that it always has been grammatical to use can for permission. Unfortunately many school students were taught otherwise by their teachers. It's not their fault, and not their teachers' either. Their teachers were taught the same myths by their teachers. Incidentally, all those poeple who say you can't use can for permission, erm, .... use can for permission. They just don't notice. – Araucaria - Him May 10 '21 at 02:02
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    @MichaelHarvey See the link in my comment above. Are you absolutely sure that that is 'widening' as opposed to narrowing one's language horizons? – Araucaria - Him May 10 '21 at 02:23
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    To have a choice is wider than not to have one. – Michael Harvey May 10 '21 at 05:53
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    @MichaelHarvey He had that choice before he received his grandmother’s advice. – Araucaria - Him May 10 '21 at 07:20
  • @MichaelHarvey Thank you for the kind words and also, to everyone for their own personal remarks on my post. Even so that it was sadly already referenced as answered elsewhere. The feedback provided by every individual so far through comments and other responses has been greatly appreciated. – ABC May 11 '21 at 03:04

1 Answers1

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This is a difference between prescriptive, and descriptive language usage.

Prescriptive grammarians often insist on older and more formal usages, and tend to ignore descriptive grammar which describe actual usage.

Partly this is a cultural issue. Prescriptive grammar is often viewed in society as a mark of higher register, while lower register is usually associated with lower class, less-educated, and coarser-mannered people.

See: register

As far as we are concerned here, usage describes the grammar: if it is a common usage, it is grammatical.

In this case, using "can" for "may" when asking permission or making polite requests is often interchangeable.

According to Collins dictionary:

You use can in questions in order to make polite requests. You use can't in questions in order to request strongly that someone does something.

[emphasis mine]

That said, it is more formal as well as more polite to use 'may' in these situations.

Your granny sounds like a proper and formal lady: If I were you, I would pay attention to what she is explaining to you, and save your objections to posts like this.

Cascabel_StandWithUkraine_
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    There is also the concept of 'register'. Higher registers tend to reflect more prescriptive usage. – Michael Harvey May 09 '21 at 20:26
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    @MichaelHarvey ...done. – Cascabel_StandWithUkraine_ May 09 '21 at 21:15
  • @Cascabel Thank you for your answer. Also, highly thoughtful for you to comment on your last statement that was included at the end of your answer. Your answer was very informative and has broadened my horizons to the many aspects of grammar as a whole, such as registers, collisions dictionary, and other avenues to research. As well as Michael Harvey who has made some great contributions through the comment section's which I have taken note of and appreciate. So thank you to both of you. – ABC May 11 '21 at 03:10
  • @MichaelHarvey You presented knowledgeable and valid points. Well appreciated. Want to express my own emphasis, will be noting the comments made by yourself on this matter. – ABC May 13 '21 at 01:37