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I want a vanilla cake this year, not chocolate.

If this is punctuated correctly, what exact comma rule are we applying here?

Another:

I took my little brother to the store with me, not because I wanted to though.

“Not” isn’t one of the FANBOYS, and everything following the comma here sounds like it could be its own sentence as well, so wouldn’t that be a comma splice potentially?

I normally use an em dash to precede “nots” due to its emphatic nature (but mostly because I’m not proficient in the multitude of all the comma rules yet lol).

I took my little brother to the store—not because I wanted to though.

I’m pretty certain both comma examples are correctly punctuated; I’m just confused on what actual comma rule is being used.

Max
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The comma rules used here have nothing to do with "not". In your first example sentence, a pair of commas surrounds a nonrestrictive appositive (with a couple of words elided):

I want a vanilla cake this year, not [[a]] chocolate [[one]].

The second comma is absorbed into the terminal period, of course.

In your second example sentence, a pair of commas surrounds a nonrestrictive adverbial clause ("because I wanted to"). (The "not" and "though" can be interpreted as adverbs modifying the entire clause, modifying the verb "wanted", etc.)

"everything following the comma here sounds like it could be its own sentence as well": Actually, the text following neither comma could be its own sentence.

The dash in your last example is fine, although (as you mention) it does suggest greater emphasis. When we surround nonrestrictive information, we typically use pairs of commas, parentheses, or M-dashes.

By the way, there are several other ways in which to interpret these sentences. This is just one possibility.

MarcInManhattan
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  • Excellent reply, thank you! I was just used to seeing nonrestrictive appositives in the middle of sentences. In this case, the appositive came at the end, so it was throwing me off.

    Example: I want a vanilla cake this year, not chocolate, because I quit caffeine. So “not chocolate” is still an appositive whether it’s in the middle or at the end? Makes sense now.

     – Max Jan 01 '22 at 23:02
  • @Max Yes, appositives can appear in various places, even at the beginning of a sentence! (For example: "A year that vexed many, 2021 is finally in the rear-view mirror.") – MarcInManhattan Jan 02 '22 at 17:48