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I'm looking for a noun, that people would use naturally while refering to a person who they chat with – in the context of online chat. Imagine that you are looking for someone you could chat with. How would you call such a person?

The first word that came to my mind was chatmate, but this word doesn't seem to be commonly used. What do you think about this word? Can you suggest any alternatives that seem natural to you?

I've also found the word interlocutor, which is way too formal though. There were similar questions ([1], [2]) where other words like conversationalist, converser, conversant, discussant or dialoguer were mentioned. Unfortunately these words are either getting far from the original meaning or they are words that usually won't come up to someone's mind.

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LihO
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    Even after your edit, it's still not clear to me whether you mean any or all of chatting in person, on voicephone, via text messages, or "Internet chat" on things like Facebook. But have you considered chat buddy, which gets 2-3 times more Google hits than chatmate or chat mate? – FumbleFingers Dec 31 '12 at 22:35
  • I mean chatting online. Yes, like Facebook. "chat buddy" is good alternative, I just wonder whether amount of Google hits is good measure. – LihO Dec 31 '12 at 22:58
  • I'd say it also depends on the nature of the chat. The obvious word friend comes to mind, but, if the two people discuss detailed matters about their personal lives, then the word confidant might work well, too. – J.R. Dec 31 '12 at 22:59
  • @J.R.,LiHo: Many/most people probably distinguish between "virtual" friends, who they only know online, and "real-world" friends, who cannot usually avoid knowing things like your approximate age, race, sex, marital status, income, attractiveness, etc. I believe it's not uncommon for internet "chat buddies" to give misleading information about such matters, which very likely affects the nature of the conversations they engage in. – FumbleFingers Dec 31 '12 at 23:11
  • @jwpat7: I've gone "closevote happy"! Your possible dup is earlier than mine, so I've voted to close the later one in favour of the earlier. If there are any useful answers, let's at least try to gather them all into one page. – FumbleFingers Dec 31 '12 at 23:26
  • @FumbleFingers: It depends on the nature of the online relationship; some of these can be very superficial or even misleading, as you said, but others are genunine friendships. My wife is an artist who has made friends on online forums; she has one close friend in particular where they exchange elaborate projects every year, send care packages, etc. I think we're getting to the place where we can't assume that an online friendship is necessarily more superficial than a face-to-face one; I know for a fact that isn't always the case. – J.R. Dec 31 '12 at 23:27
  • @J.R.: Absolutely. I don't know how to quickly locate exact figures, but at least a few years ago I read that what seemed to me to be quite a high proportion (of Americans, I think it was) actually "met" their "real-world, live-in" partner on the Net. Nothing wrong with that, imho. It's a new mode of personal interaction, and many people are making the most of it without being in the least "deceptive". – FumbleFingers Dec 31 '12 at 23:39
  • It's worth looking up the urbandictionary.com for some alternatives to those suggested here. – spiceyokooko Jan 01 '13 at 00:29
  • Given that the "duplicate" is about conversation, and this question is about written communication, I've nominated it for reopening. – J.R. Jan 01 '13 at 01:29
  • @spiceyokooko: Urban Dictionary redirects me to word textmate, where also words texter, textee and penpal are mentioned. – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 13:44
  • @RegDwighт: don't remove bold highlight anymore please, bold font is one of the best highlighting techniques, look how nice it looks now. – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 13:46
  • @FumbleFingers, J.R.: I've edited my question. Can't believe it was marked as a duplicate of a question that I explicitly quoted as a similar question that doesn't fit my needs – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 13:46
  • @LihO we do not use bold oblique. And it does not look nice. It looks amateurish. This is not our rule. It has been a basic rule of typesetting for millenia. – RegDwigнt Jan 01 '13 at 13:51
  • @RegDwighт: its purpose is to catch the attention so that those are the first words that you read after you already know what this question is about. But if the convention of this community is to avoid bold, then I'll just get used to it. – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 13:53
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    @LihO This site is for people who can, and will, read entire sentences, rather than skimming just a couple keywords and then rushing to answer without even caring what the question is really about. – RegDwigнt Jan 01 '13 at 13:54
  • @RegDwighт: Fair enough. I've also added [tag:synonyms] and [tag:internet] tags since they seem appropriate. – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 13:59
  • @LihO: The reason those earlier questions don't fit your needs is because most Anglophones don't actually use any particular expression to mean just people I chat with, regardless of the context in which the chat takes place. That's because no-one likes to explicitly say the primary purpose of the relationship is nothing more than [idle chit-]chat. Probably the closest is *penpal* - but that falls down because it's firmly associated with snail-mail, and thus doesn't include the "real-time" connotations of standard "interactive chat". – FumbleFingers Jan 01 '13 at 14:13
  • @FumbleFingers: I disagree that penpal is used only for snail-mail. (I will grant you that interactive chat is a different animal, and penpal might not fit in that context, but I think it could be used for traditional email, where the chat is not interactive.) – J.R. Jan 01 '13 at 17:13
  • @J.R.: My mother (who's over 80) refers to a couple of people she occasionally exchanges emails with as "penpals" - which has been commented on as a rather odd usage by others in the family. They're people who used to be close neighbours before my parents moved hundreds of miles away over a decade ago, and most likely she's never actually used a pen and paper to write to either of them. But she says it's the best word she can think of, and no-one else can think of anything better, so that's what they are. – FumbleFingers Jan 01 '13 at 17:38
  • @FumbleFingers: I've had more than one friendship forged starting on a discussion board where the topic was "looking for penpals." I don't think traditional postage was ever used, but we exchanged a lot of back-and-forth "letters" via email. Also, it's interesting how Gmail uses an envelope for its letter "M" in the Gmail logo. Anyhow, there's sure been a lot of interesting discussion generated from this question; I'm surprised I'm still the only one who has voted to reopen it. – J.R. Jan 01 '13 at 18:55
  • Also these comments seem to be endless arguing, it will be nice if someone deletes those... – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 19:00
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    LihO: If you're referring to the dialogue between FF and I, I wouldn't call that "arguing." I'd instead characterize it as two people thinking out loud, learning more about the depth of your question through focussed discussion. Heck, I even got @FumbleFingers to talk about his mother's penpals! Sometimes these lengthy exchanges are productive, as opposed to mere bickering. – J.R. Jan 02 '13 at 01:02
  • @J.R.: ty :) Well, I still think that for me at least, penpal connotes lengthy delays between communications (like "email" chess, as opposed to online realtime chess). And the essence of "chat" to me (in person or online) is that you're not doing anything else except chatting (except things like going AFK for a pee, in which case you prolly type *brb* first!) Actually, I don't really know now. Is this "chat"? 6 posts in 11 hours? If so it prolly will get deleted (much to OP's delight! :) – FumbleFingers Jan 02 '13 at 01:18
  • You're getting far from original question... you started discussion about what should be the nature of chat so that word "penpal" is appropriate... – LihO Jan 02 '13 at 01:29
  • @LihO: If we've strayed from the original question, that might be because you "intentionally didn't want to describe specific situations" because you were "curious about what words people would come with." You left the scope of your question up for debate, which led us to wonder aloud about whether or not a single word could cover both chatting (i.e. synchronous real-time communication) and email (with more of a delay between contributions between each party). I like penpal for letters, keypal for email, and chat buddy for online chat – but only after this was aired out and discussed. – J.R. Jan 02 '13 at 08:48
  • Furthermore, another viable trio of words would be acquaintance, friend, and confidant, if you'd rather stress differences in the depth of the conversations, as opposed to the mode of conversation. Conceivably, you could combine those, and get up to nine possibilities, such as keypal friend, chat buddy acquaintance, and penpal confidant. – J.R. Jan 02 '13 at 08:53

2 Answers2

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Most people I know say chat buddy, internet friend, or online friend like @FumbleFingers and @Kristina Lopez said. You might say penpal. Although it generally means someone you write letters to (and perhaps never meet), I think it is appropriate for a friend you only know online and to whom you write. The following sentences sound natural:

  1. I was talking to an online friend the other day.
  2. I have a Skype meeting with a chat buddy later.
  3. I'm chatting with a buddy.
  4. She was my internet friend for years before we ever met in person.
  5. I was chatting with my penpal all day yesterday.

Note: in example 3, if you use the word chat (even as a verb) in a sentence, you don't have to say chat buddy, just buddy will work. Buddy already has an "online" connotation, especially used in that context.

The more I think about it, the more I like penpal.

I hope that helps!

Caitlin Quintero Weaver
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  • Seems that most people assume that after chatting with someone it will become their friend/buddy. Then there are adjectives that can emphasize the fact that it is not conversation in person like online/internet. The word mate seems to indicate more close relation or emphasize the fact of equal position, similarly to words fellow, companion, partner etc. I think it depends on context. If people will look for more than just friendship (romance, marriage), I think they'll prefer the word mate over buddy. – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 00:16
  • Hm. Mate might work, but it's so rare in American English to use it conversationally, so I think it depends on who you're talking to. In American English, mate is usually part of a compound word, like classmate, but used by itself as a noun, it typically means the person you will have children with and it sounds odd and stilted. If I hear an Australian say mate, I know he means friend. So again, I think it depends on the person to whom you're talking. Let's see if some Australians will help us out on that one. – Caitlin Quintero Weaver Jan 01 '13 at 00:16
  • @LihO: There are several dimensions you could look at. One is, is the relationship strictly online, face-to-face, or both? Another would be, how often do you stay in touch – almost daily, or only a few times a year? Another is the nature of the relationship: deep vs. casual, romantic vs. platonic. All of these factors may affect which word might be best suited to describe the relationship. – J.R. Jan 01 '13 at 00:17
  • @J.R.: I intentionally didn't want to describe specific situation because I'm curious what words will people come with if the only fact they know is that they want to find someone who they will chat with no matter how often they want to chat with that person, no matter whether they're looking for friendship, romance, marriage or just someone to chat with (maybe they just want to practice some foreign language)... But I can say that answers and comments that I've encountered here are helpful :) – LihO Jan 01 '13 at 00:29
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    Getting back to the answer at hand, one of the things I liked about penpal is that it can be used across most of those possibilities: whether the correspondence is frequent or occasional, romantic or platonic, intimate or casual, the word penpal can be applied so long as a significant portion of the communication occurs in some kind of correspondence. – J.R. Jan 01 '13 at 00:32
  • @J.R. Right, penpal is all about written correspondence, even electronic. – Caitlin Quintero Weaver Jan 01 '13 at 00:35
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FumbleFingers' chat buddy is a good choice but you might also consider online friend.

RegDwigнt
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Kristina Lopez
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    Ha! I claim you as one of my "online friends"! Not because you're so kind as to mention my contribution, but because (assuming that is your own picture on your profile! :) I can't resist a happy smile! Also, anyone who scores high on the SE "cookery channel" could be useful to know if you ever get a chance to call in for a coffee and a slice of cake! :) – FumbleFingers Dec 31 '12 at 23:33
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    @FumbleFingers, aw! I'm feeling the love! You got me pegged, words and cooking. Lol! (i'm quite fond of our online friends on SE too, even when we disagree!) – Kristina Lopez Dec 31 '12 at 23:40
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    That's the nicest group of sentences I've ever seen FumbleFingers write on this site and so many smilies! You've clearly got a fan there Kristina, wonder if we can pursuade him to come over to Seasoned Advice ;-) – spiceyokooko Dec 31 '12 at 23:51
  • @spiceyokooko, FF and I have also sparred a few times on this site! Lol! I agree, he'd be a great addition to "Seasoned Advice"! – Kristina Lopez Dec 31 '12 at 23:57
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    That would be good, perhaps I could kick his butt over there like he kicks mine over here! :) I've been on the end of his sparring too, but he's usually right grumble.. – spiceyokooko Jan 01 '13 at 00:00