I go bump in the night because mood lighting is the only lighting, but that's necessary, because...

I occasionally have dalliances with the English language that range from downright wrong to tolerably comfortable. I'm Lifetime student of English as a language with extra training in sociolinguistics; I have a keen interest in etymology and language families, and once hogged Walter W. Skeat's books from the university library for four years because nobody else knew they were there and because my university only offered a few courses with any relation to philology.

Explaining grammar is not my strongest suit, but I will start laughing uncontrollably the moment I see a prescriptivist.