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I am translating some text to English from Russian Wikipedia, and sometimes there are quite long sentences. It is ok to have long sentences with several subordinate and participle clauses in Russian. But does a sentence like this look normal in English? Does it make sense?

Before the appearance of Europeans, the area where Miami is situated was inhabited by Indian tribes, living on most of the southeastern peninsula, including the territories of modern counties Miami-Dade, Broward and south of Palm Beach County.

FumbleFingers
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Markus Soarez
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    Use an Indian tribe or Indian tribes. And who lived rather than living (which wouldn't be ungrammatical, but who lived makes it look more normal). – Peter Shor Jun 26 '18 at 18:15
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    To be clear, this is a question about common styles in those language communities, not about grammar or about 'what is allowed'. It is still a good question for ELU. – Mitch Jun 26 '18 at 18:27
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    Of related interest: Standard deviation for average sentence and paragraph length? and Length of English sentences in comparison to German ones up vote As phrased, this question is likely to be closed as primarily opinion-based, however. I don't recall whether Wikipedia targets a particular readability score or anything like that. – choster Jun 26 '18 at 18:30
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    Context matters. That sentence would not 'look normal' in a history textbook for 12-year-olds. But it would be comprehensible for more advanced readers. – John Feltz Jun 26 '18 at 20:08
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    What Peter Shor said, plus I'd take out the 2nd comma. And say "the Miami area" instead of "the area where Miami is situated". Also, "the areas of Miami-Date County, Broward County and to the south of..." – ab2 Jun 26 '18 at 20:15
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    As has already been said, this is about stylistic practice, in the context of translation. It is not about language usage, whether semantic or grammatical. There are different schools of thought about translation, particularly in relation to literary/artistic writing. This is not that sort of writing. You do not need to capture the ‘russianness’ of the passage. You only have to convey the exact information in the clearest, most accessible way. I do not see any reason to break it up. I question the use of the word ‘territories’ in the context of what I believe are ‘county boundaries’. – Tuffy Jun 26 '18 at 20:17
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    Since we've gotten into it, what is "south of Palm Beach County"? Is it the southern part of a county named Palm Beach, or is it the area to the south of what is now Palm Beach county? – Xanne Jun 26 '18 at 23:15
  • Xanne, yes, it is the southern part of a county named Palm Beach – Markus Soarez Jun 27 '18 at 07:17
  • Now at least I know that long sentences are acceptable in English as long as they are built correctly. I thought about this question and I have to admit that the question is really opinion-based, so I can't choose the most correct answer. Thank you for your corrections, I appreciate it. – Markus Soarez Jun 27 '18 at 07:19
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    Rather than "use short sentences," the instructions should be more specific, like "don't nest prepositional phrases more than three or so levels deep." For example, "the egg in the nest on a branch of the tree on the top of the hill near the castle" would be fine in a humorous children's story (where it's clear you're playing with language). But avoid constructions like this in serious writing. – Peter Shor Jun 28 '18 at 18:46

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